Just Another Recovering Person

Comings & Goings

I will be 45 this year. I have witnessed a few things come and go. Fashions, trends in music, styles of cars, genres of pop culture. I think it was in ‘Return of the Jedi’ when Yoda told Luke Skywalker: ‘Hard to see the future, always in motion it is’.
The past can be that way as well. Time has a strange way of either making us anticipate things to come, or fade the pain of events gone by.
A couple of days ago a person sent me a ‘Friend’ request on Facebook. When I saw the person and the request my initial reaction was, ‘Why in the hell is this person contacting me after 27 years’?
The last time I saw this person we were selling dope out of a hotel room in Ohio. A paranoid 2 week run of dope, guns, & girls. It ended badly. One guy disappeared, one guy went to jail, & I would run 60 miles to get out of that town before all hell broke loose.
I looked at his picture. He had 3 girls standing with him, this time in a family portrait. He looked old, unassuming, and had gained weight.
As legendary or exciting I can make an old story seem we have all been through it. There are people I no longer associate with whether in life or social media. I moved to a new state 3 years ago and one of the freeing things is that it is highly unlikely I will run into an old acquaintance. Does this give me an excuse not to make amends? Certainly not. Did I make amends to the person who sent me the request? No.
The reason is I choose whom is in my life today, and to be honest I wasn’t willing to let this person back in my life. It would cause more harm than good,. See I have that power in my life today, the power of choice.

Take Care,
Bob D.

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Comments on: "Comings & Goings" (1)

  1. Hi Bob… been a while eh?

    I agree with not attempting an amend that may bring more harm than good. I believe this is what the step means in saying “except when to do so would injure them or others”…. to me, and I say this cautiously, “others” include ourselves.

    In addition, I do my best not to make this kind of decision alone. I would always run it past a sponsor or mature support person in my program. To help make sure I am not flinching and holding back something that I probably should do…. or missing doing the right thing just because of pain avoidance.

    I don’t know your heart or your situation. All I am saying is suggesting running this past a person who knows you well. A sponsor? And also, I don’t see that accepting an FB friend request is necessary to make an amend. You can communicate to him other ways.

    I had a similar thing with an old girlfriend. I owed her an amend from nearly 30 years ago. I saw her on FB and have not connected as friends. No wisdom in that. I am a happily married man. But I did pass along an amend a couple years ago in a way that did not require us to be linked or in regular contact. This way, I did what I felt was right, yet remained at a safe distance from the past.

    Just a suggestion bro.

    Chaz

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