Sitting in the beauty parlor last night waiting for my wife and daughter to get their eyebrows done, listening to this late teen-early 20 something boyfriend of the stylist talk about how he just did 9 days in the County Workhouse didn’t set well with me. I mean this is a place of business and I still have a good mind to call the manager and let them know. I mean he was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. I felt bad for his girlfriend, she was pretty, and had settled for that.
Sounds judgemental doesn’t it?
I don’t know the circumstances behind his vacation courtesy of the county.
All I can do is make judgements based on pictures and information.
It’s like Internet dating and wondering why the other person will only send a portrait and not a whole body shot….There is always something to hide.
It’s kinda like that for a recovering person who may still be facing the stigma of being an addict. I am reminded by the literature that this stigma will be the last to go. I will always be known or remembered by someone, somewhere of the guy who did this or that. Who hurt this person or that person, who stole this, lied about that, cheated his way into or out of this, who was nothing more than a dope head, a drug addict.
Sounds pretty grim, but in that there is some form of comfort.
What am I trying to say? I’m trying to say no matter how many amends are made and accepted, there will always be some level of guilt or shame I will have to deal with in my lifetime as a recovering person.
Some folks won’t or don’t accept amends and I am left with the residuals of those incomplete amends. There are some folks that won’t or can’t be found or talked to based on further harm.
I find a comfort and a peace by simply knowing that I have made my peace with those I can to the best of my ability. I find comfort in knowing there is a HP who for whatever reason has decided I should be allowed to stay another day, because the kicker to all of this is……
There will come a time when I won’t have a full 24 hours.
I should be dead.
I counted 4 times that I know of that I should have died and didn’t.
Luck is for losers and there is no such thing as a coincidence.
I say this not to brag, too often we do this in sharing our story. I do this today to remind myself of the gifts I have been given as a result of effort.
There are programs that offer a lot of promises which I believe can be simply explained as dong the next right thing for the right reasons, and as a result my life becomes more manageable and livable.
NA only promised me one thing, Only 1:
Freedom from Active Addiction
The other things I worked for. Working a daily recovery program and continuing to do what has worked for others. Too often there is a new fad, a reinvention of the wheel, a new book explaining in twisted words the same principles that have worked since the formation of the 12 Step Program:
God Self Service Society
The same things work:
Don’t Use Go To Meetings Read the Literature Get a Sponsor
Get Involved Work Steps with a Sponsor
It hasn’t changed, nor likely will it.
I can live with that this 24 hours.
Take Care…….Bob D.