Just Another Recovering Person

Relationship Suicide

So I am in an Old Navy store last night and my phone rings, wait let me back that up I had made calls to 3 guys I sponsor in an effort to get them off their asses and on the phone again. A simple tool that we take for granted each day is the power of a phone call. I remember calling my sponsor around 3 months clean in a panic because I saw a guy I used with in the line at a Speedway and completely freaked out, running out of the store like I just robbed it.

I have one guy in relationship problems and has a newborn.
I have another guy with physical problems facing eviction from an overbearing landlord.
I have a third guy who, well, he just wants to use and is looking for the right excuse.

I called the first guy and left him a message. The last time we spoke his relationship was in crisis mode and we talked for 40 minutes about things.
No call back to let me know what was happening. I find this aggravating to say the least. When we call others in pain, only looking for the absence of pain or validation for what we have done, this is usually the result. Things get smoothed over and we want to move forward not addressing the root of the problem. It’s not that I am the Miracle Worker or anything like that, but I’d at least appreciate a phone call to let me know what is going on.

The second guy is very literal in his approach and has been dealing with a landlord that just wants him out. He is not late on his rent and seems to be in good standing with everyone with exception to one set of neighbors which he has problems with. They rent from the same guy so he feels it’s time for my guy to go. He has been looking at other places and has a decent lead on something. He is concerned about this to the point that he has skipped meetings which I don’t advise. He has also become concerned with fellow number 3.

Number 3 is lost. He hasn’t been to a meeting in 2 weeks and called me last night. He said, “I haven’t used and I just think this recovery thing isn’t for me. Like I’ve reached a point where this is as good as it is going to be”. I told him that after being clean almost 4 years now that I don’t feel like I have reached some lofty plateau, that I know that recovery is a continuous, uphill journey. I told him if he needed me he knew where he could find me. I’m not going anywhere.

Bottom line was last night was frustrating on many levels. In my relationships with guys I sponsor as well as my personal relationships with my wife and my kids. I rolled the dice and told people how I really felt. I wrote a letter to my wife about some things that have been bothering me for a while now. It will either be relationship suicide or rebirth. I am hoping for the latter because I am committed to this. I am committed to them.

Self-Sabotage will be the focus of the next few blogs, and I have given a little insight into one of the biggest forms of Self-Sabotage I have. Now telling people how I really feel about things and then stewing in the resentments that brings. I am sure more will be revealed as I write on the subject and if you stop by I would be thrilled if you left a comment or your perspective on this issue.

Have a Good Day…..Bob D.

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Comments on: "Relationship Suicide" (2)

  1. Hey Bob. My heads been so far up my ass I haven’t been able to pull it out. I’ve been overwhelmed with guilt, shame and fear about my past. When it comes to self-sabotage I’m reminded of the continous patterns in my life that involved doing well for a bit and then running. I remember reading in the literature that we have fear of success.

    Like I said, my head is about self-acceptance right now so it’s difficult to see anything but that. I’m am reminded that in the IP Self Acceptance it says “Because we could not accept ourselves, we expected to be rejected by others. We would not allow anyone to get close to us for fear that if they really knew us, they would also hate us. To protect ourselves from vulnerability, we would reject others before they had a chance to reject us.”

    That sounds like self-sabotage to me. 🙂

    • beyondtheendoftheroad said:

      Sounds like you have a firm grasp on what’s going on. It’s good to hearf from you.

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