As I stood in the parking lot I looked up to the sky and asked God if I made the right decision……..He didn’t reply.
I called the police yesterday afternoon on my daughter. As a parent this is the most difficult phone call I have ever made or want to make. Another fit of anger, rage, attitude….whatever you would like to call it brought us to this point. I had told my wife that if another episode had occurred this would be the course of action. That perhaps my daughter would see the severity of her actions. I told her 2 times before I made the call, that if she couldn’t get her composure that I would call. She looked at both of us in defiance and said….
The 2 officers were polar opposites. One seemed understanding and compassionate. The other seemed less impressed that we were at this crossroad.
What did you say that set her off?
That she had to go to work with her mother.
Is she on drugs?
What school does she go to?
What side of town do you live on?
Uhhhmmm. Seems like an attitude thing to me….BiPolar my ass.
He tells her to get out of the car.
What kind of problem are you having that you can’t listen?
Bullshit. Listen up. I’m out here putting my life on the line and have to come clean up after some 15 year old’s bullshit because you don’t want to do want mom and dad want? If you want…I’ll take your little ass downtown and you can sit in a 4×4 cell for a few days and tell all the homies down there how bad you got it princess. Is that what you would like to do today?
She starts to cry and look away. He tells her to get her ass back in the car.
The officer tells me there is no more “Scared Straight” program due to budget cutbacks. He tells me being BiPolar isn’t her problem, it’s all attitude. The other officer is looking at me because I am on sensory overload. I’m not upset with the way he talked to her, I’m upset because I can’t process all of this. My head hurts, my chest hurts, it’s hot and I am lost.
The police leave, and I try and tell my daughter that I love her. She turns and walks away. She later tells her mother that the police talked to her like she was trash. She felt offended. Her mother told her, “How do you think I feel when you call me a Fucking Bitch”?
I am back at square one. I called my sponsor on the way home from work and cried. I told him what I told you….I’m Lost. I am full of empty. I have nothing right now. I am numb. I am not going to use, this is not an option. It will not change anything. I don’t know what to think, what to feel, what to do. The only thing that came to mind was a line out of our text from Chapter 7-Recovery and Relapse….
“At other times that freedom can only be achieved by a grim and obstinate willfulness to hang on to abstinence come hell or high water until a crisis passes”. Page 74
Come Hell or High Water…..It hasn’t rained that much…..
So bring Hell.