Just Another Recovering Person

Dreaming about John Mellencamp

 

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I still see old Farmer Brown
Staring me down
As I rode past his place
On a school bus one day

I still hear John Mellencamp
Sing of rain and blood
Foreclosure signs litter the landscape
A new day version of the Great Flood

Last night I dreamed
John Mellencamp sat next to me
At some event for the poor
People chanting…. Stop the War

I awoke this morning an pondered
How surreal this dream was
I surely am losing my mind
Or finding a way to cope

Life has me guessing and crying
I suppose just like Farmer Brown
The only difference it seems
I don’t have a scarecrow and there’s no blood on the plow

 

I got a call from the school yesterday, and the day unravelled from there. My daughter was caught cutting class on multiple days. Trying to change her schedule at school to maximize the amount of time she has to goof off and got caught at it. The consensus is that for some reason my daughter has it worked into her head that adults don’t talk to one another, that we are mindless robots just wandering aimlessly. I was on the phone with the school for an hour. My wife is upset for some reason because the school is calling me and she isn’t sure why. I don’t know why. Maybe my number is on some form. It’s not like I went to the school and said contact me exclusively or anything but that is the impression she is under it seems.

There were consequences as there always is for these things. Detention after school one day next week. The old saying of when it rains, it pours is the only thing that keeps coming to mind here. It’s like Groundhog’s Day….always something about my daughter….Always something each day. We had a lengthy talk with her again last night about actions, reactions, and consequences.

I have had a headache for 3 days. My neck hurts, and it is hard to concentrate on all the things I need to. I went to a meeting last night and was there in person but not in spirit. It was a speaker meeting, and I almost walked out before it got going. I just wasn’t in the mood to hear someone’s story. I picked out differences instead of similarities. The problem is this is a person whom I believe respects me and made constant eye contact while they shared. I felt guilty and tried to listen. I thanked them after the meeting and went home.

I went to bed last night and had the strangest dream. John Mellencamp was sitting beside me at some event, thus the poem (if you like to call it that) at the opening. It was wierd. I guess this is what happens when the mind is overloaded.

I tried to find a positive last night before going to sleep. I tried to find one today when I got up. They are few and far between right now. I know all of this is happening for some purpose, I’m just not allowed to see it right now. I wish God would give me a glimpse….I could use it.

Take Care…..Bob D.

 

 

 

 

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Comments on: "Dreaming about John Mellencamp" (4)

  1. Bob, I really love the poem you wrote, yes you can call it that! 🙂
    I know the feelings you convey, “tried to find a positive..”

    When I get like that I have found that all I can do is remember, and think to myself…
    things could be a hell of a lot worse!

    It’s not much but I do hope it helps you in some way.
    Stay Strong!
    ** virtual hugs **
    ~S

  2. beyondtheendoftheroad said:

    Thanks for the virtual hug…

  3. sofreelygiven said:

    Reading about your struggles with your daughter brings old demons to chase me and compassion for you. I was a problem child. I have made amends to my mother since before I came to the program. I continue to harm her but in ways much less caustic than when I was very young, and she shows up on every 8th step. I no longer ask myself “How can I hurt this precious woman?” I know that I do because she will forgive me. It’s not a conscious thought, it just is. Our parents have to forgive us. Unfortunately I have seen all too often in the program (and otherwise,) examples of parents who will never forgive. I have a sister who will not forgive me for some really petty things and we have a very strained relationship to this day. I thank God for my mother, this woman is a gift. I hope that your daughter will see you as a gift, that in some way she now does. ~Rhonda~

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