Just Another Recovering Person

Searching for Happiness

We are sitting in the psychologist’s office and she says, “People who usually end up searching for happiness find just the opposite”. She is speaking in terms of my daughter and her choice of friends. I had promised I wouldn’t write anything more on my daughter until I had something positive to share about the situation, and I am sticking to that. I will let you know she is doing much better with the flu and again Thanks for the support and well wishes.

The search for happiness reminds me of something that is in the NA Text. It says in one part that we were,  “more unhappy and less satisfied then when it all began”. It’s a paraphrase for sure, I would have to dig up the page number for you, but I am certain of the context.

I often look back and see when I not only searched for happiness, I struggled to find it. Most of the time I am certain it was staring me right in the face, I was just blinded by self. I asked myself…….

What makes you happy today?

Somedays it’s a variety of things. But what makes me happy today? Family, friends??? I’m still not sure, maybe it’s because I still feel like I’m searching for that happiness. I could come up with a lot of bullshit to tell you, but then I would be honest about it. It could just be this period in my life, or my perception. I’d like to think it’s the first one.

I wish I had more to write about but don’t. Things are ok. Yes, just ok.

Take Care….Bob D.




Comments on: "Searching for Happiness" (5)

  1. Bob…

    “blinded by self” is the main block I faced.

    I also refer to it as the “noise in my head”. The inability to see past my fears and self-pity.

    I was seldom happy. Until the booze or drugs quited the noise.

    Now I have found the gifts of gratitude and surrender. Amazing. So much better than booze and drugs.

    I am actually happy for whole days at a time…. and usually several days back to back.

    This is a real improvement and keeps getting better as I get healthier. This stuff works.



  2. Interesting post Bob.
    I know what you mean, sometimes I think that happiness is just something made-up by society as something to strive for or a reward? it is so elusive to many.
    My partner, he stopped drinking for 6 years, due to a break-down at 19 years old.
    He never found any happiness not drinking, nor with drinking, it was an illusion.
    He is drinking again after quiting for two years straight, he says, it didn’t help him feel better about himself or his life.
    I don’t know what to tell him, he says there is no such thing as happiness only a contentment with ones lot in life.
    He tells me he is content now, but never happy.
    I don’t know how to help him. 😦

    • beyondtheendoftheroad said:

      I don’t know if you can.
      It seems that happiness, although elusive, is more than just a sense of comfort. Maybe it’s a state of thought.

      • Speaking as someone who was depressed most of my adult life until the past 4 – 5 years, I would have to say that often, our unhappiness is a result of a series of inner thoughts and subtle choices that keep us unhappy. Thats the way it was for me anyway… but I could not see it without help.

        My thinking and subtle choices kept me trapped in states of anxiousness and depression. I was always tense and edgey.

        Finally, I began applying the 12 steps. Reluctantly at first but nonetheless, I made a start. I experienced reprieve from sadness immediately. Not complete reprieve, but enough to notice the difference. It continued to grow as I continued to work the steps.

        I eventually found that I was happy most of the time but would get under a dark cloud from time to time and just couldnt shake it. And it was DARK. Thoughts of suicide would pop up again during those times.

        So I sought out a Psychiatrist through my family doctor. He began “Cognitive Behaviour Therapy” with me. Which basically means retraining your thinking from bad habits of thought to more effective habits of thought. Basically making better choices on where you let your thoughts go.

        I have not had a prolonged dark day since. It has been about a year and a half of this new level of reprieve.

        This is my journey anyway. Cant say it is for everyone. Some may need meds. They never helped me. But the steps and CBT made worlds of difference to me.

        Try a book called, “Feeling Good”, by Dr. David Burns. Been around for decades and is pretty widely accepted as solid, proven CBT practice. Nothing wierd.



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: