Destiny is nothing more than an ill-fated illusion, prophesied by those who have forgotten how to dream.
At some point our future’s are changed. I believe that today. I believe it comes from the priviledge to think and our decisions based upon the values and principles that we need to relearn. I don’t believe in destiny, coincidence, or luck. I have seen far to many things in my life both in active addiction and recovery to lead me to believe that all of the evidence to the contrary, isn’t so contrary afterall.
I sat in a seminar yesterday about poverty. Both situational and generational poverty. Some of you may know from my writings that I came from both, oddly enough. Something that the keynote speaker said yesterday stuck with me. That those around us, especially when we are younger and don’t necessarily have a voice or vote in the matter, are using the ‘hidden’ class things that they were taught to them. I walked away discovering this….
My mother, father and step-father couldn’t stop bad things from happening based on what they were taught themselves.
That’s pretty deep. I am looking at it in my own life. My own ‘hidden’ truths about what I use that was taught or I learned as a child. It can be as something as simple as ordering a pizza. I would rather order from the most expensive place, because I deserve it and the pizza is ‘better’ because it is more expensive rather than buy from a smaller place that is cheaper and has less of a reputation.
I am certain it has permeated my existence to the point I don’t even know it. I mean I’m not going to sit and analyze myself into oblivion, I just thought the point was neat and it made sense.
The house was kind of chaotic last night. Not off the hook, just chaotic. There is a break coming up. My mom is going to watch both kids on Saturday night. I am going to take my wife out to dinner and do something. Our wedding anniversary is on Monday. It will be our 18th. Please don’t ask me how it’s done, because I really don’t know. Our relationship is totally new to me since getting clean. I do know this. Some folks talk about having ‘Guardian Angels or Fairy Godmothers’ looking over them, helping them through life. My wife has simply been that.
I have no clue as to why she wasn’t finished with me long ago.
I said once in a meeting that I believe she see’s something in me that I can’t see in myself. I believe she has always seen the man she married, she was just waiting and wanting him to come back.
I have not returned fully, nor will I probably ever, but I am damn close.
I dream about it everynight……
Take Care…..Bob D.