Just Another Recovering Person

Addiction or Persona

I read a couple of really good posts today. One was talking about most people being addicted to something. I don’t know how true it is, but it’s still an interesting concept.

It’s kinda like an old guy and a tobacco pipe.
The old guy smokes his pipe every now and then, but most of the time it is unlit and he just holds it in his mouth or his hands, like he is using it as a prop on a movie set.
Does this make him “addicted” or is it a part of persona?
Is it just one of his favorites? A part of his outfit? Suddenly a picture of an old seafaring guy just came through my mind. Standing on the bow of an old, but reliable ship, facing a strong north wind.

I think the things that separate ideas like this is the feelings behind them. I know guys aren’t supposed to take about real, genuine feelings, but I have come to understand that the reasons why I started to use in the first place were really based in 2 things…..

1) My Feelings
2) My Perception of Reality

So if the old guy is not using the pipe to change the way he feels, is it addiction? Probably not. I’m not talking about the nicotine in the pipe tobacco here either, I’m not splitting hairs here, you get the idea.

Everything I used….drugs, food, sex, money, power…..
All of those I used in an attempt to change the way I feel or felt about myself.
My inability to face or accept life, myself, the way I see others and the world is the real reason I am an addict.
The drugs that I used were all in an attempt to feel as if I could handle whatever was in front of me, that it was possible to do this thing called life, that I could somehow fit in to a world I never felt a part of to start with.

Of course, the physical dependence then begins to play a factor, but more importantly the mental, emotional, and spiritual dependence becomes so great I felt as if there really was no choice in the matter…..
That this is what I was intended to do…..So why try to quit?
Quitting always sounded like a good idea as long as it was a date in the future. Why quit something now, afterall, I am still in control so I will quit tomorrow…….Except tomorrow never arrives……

So does everyone really have an addiction??? Who knows…Only 1 person can answer that…The individual themselves.

Take Care.

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