Just Another Recovering Person

Path from Head to Heart

This post is from a person I read named chrystiecole here on wordpress.
I found this post to be extremely moving. Her link can also be found on my page.

Enjoy……..

I Remember…

November 3, 2009 by chrystiecole

 

 

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I remember sitting in a crack trailer by myself with a stranger…for hours.

 

I remember the roaches crawling all around me, but my desire for the drug overpowered my fear of the bugs surrounding me.

 

I remember the desperation, the hunger, the vast chasm in my soul.

 

I remember the shame, the regret and the sorrow.

 

I remember what it was like to know everything within me was screaming to stop, but the beast was more powerful.

 

I remember trying to drown the voices of reason in my head.

 

I remember trying to reach a place of nothingness where everyone and everything faded away…including me.

 

I remember the pain, the loneliness, and the confusion.

 

I remember being at odds with everyone and everything around me.

 

I remember the chime of church bells across the street from me greeting the parishioners as they entered to worship a God I hated.

 

I remember the ache within me every time I saw a sunrise.

 

I remember trying to drink myself to death.

 

I remember the night everything went black and I thought it was finally over.

 

I remember the gun waving frantically around the room and everyone scurrying to escape, but I was unable to run.

 

I remember the look of disappointment on my father’s face.

 

I remember my mother telling me I could stay for the night, but I had to leave the next morning.

 

I remember stealing candy bars so I could eat, knowing every dime I had would be necessary to feed my habit.

 

I remember standing in line with all of the other junkies at the methadone clinic…every morning.

 

I remember the fear of facing a single day without methadone.

 

I remember the day God saved me from that life…I wasn’t seeking rescue

 

I remember hating everything to do with religion, even after He saved me from addiction.

 

I remember callously using His name in vain…in every sentence.

 

I remember going to church only to appease my father on Father’s Day and Christmas.

 

I remember the physical feeling of repulsion as I listened to the sermons.

 

I remember Him wooing me, beckoning me to Him.

 

I remember the softening of my heart.

 

I remember choosing to go to church.

 

I remember the first time I sang Amazing Grace…by choice.

 

I remember the day He spoke to me.

 

I remember exactly where I was sitting.

 

I remember what I said in response to Him.

 

I remember surrendering to Him.

 

I remember the church playing the song, When God Ran, on the day I was baptized.

 

I remember feeling as if He chose the song, because I was a prodigal and He did run to me.

 

I remember feeling overcome with His love on the day of my baptism.

 

I remember being lifted from the water and hearing the words, “…raised to walk in new life with Christ.”

 

I remember that being the sweetest sound.

 

I remember what life was like without Him and that creates within me an insatiable hunger for Him.

 

But what is more important than any of that…He remembered me. He remembered me when I was lost, broken, and hopeless. He remembered me in the pit and He will remember you too.

 

It is because I remember what He has done for me that I cannot stop speaking about Him.

 

It is because I remember the grace, mercy, and love He bestowed on me when I couldn’t care less, that I am passionate about Him.

 

I pray I never forget

 

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