This is for Cory……
I’m glad I can take the time to read a comment that reminds me that all hope is never lost. I don’t live in Dante’s Inferno any longer. Although the feelings haven’t passed, probably because the anger is comfortable, I will use this experience to help someone else.
Pain is a motivating factor in all our lives if one is addicted or not. Mine, it seems, is self-induced based on my poor perceptions and my present reality. I “forget” that I have a choice today. A choice to live or die. It’s not that I am that far removed from anything that I don’t remember, that’s the part that is confusing. This pain is eerily similar. That feeling of hope slipping away day by day. It could be for good reasons. To want to see loved one’s succeed and make good choices. To realize the world and life is so big I could have a 100 lifetimes and not do and see all I would like to do.
I “forget” that the early work has been done. Teaching right from wrong, don’t touch the stove, I want to spare her some pain and in that same token give us some peace and I don’t believe that God would let me have it both ways. Maybe that is what it is. I want to have both and I don’t get to pick.
I want to blame her as a person. I don’t want to go to anymore doctor’s appointments, try new medicines, talk about things anymore. My daughter has made it clear, and I don’t know many teenagers who haven’t, that she does not want to live with us. I have talked with my wife and the next time she walks out the door…..she walks out. I will gather my wife and son up and we will lock up and go to the movies, go to Wallmart, do something. If she is sitting on the step when we return that would be great and if she is not….
There is nothing I can do about it. I can’t control her, I can’t threaten her…if she is going to leave and is gone more than 48 hours all I can do is call the police and file a missing persons report. But I know I can’t put our lives on hold any longer based out of fear that she is going to have one of her “rage moments” based on the fact she is being told something she doesn’t want to hear. For me, this is not a BiPolar Issue, it is a 15 year-old teenage thing that life is going to have to be the teacher on because I have nothing more to teach.
Thanks Cory…..Simple words sometimes provide simple solutions.