Just Another Recovering Person

First off I am making a conscious effort to put some of the comedy away….

With that being said I continue to read posts about how things don’t work, but yet I’m offered no practical solution about what does. It’s always easy to be the cynic, because in the end, the only person listening is you. If it’s not for you, that’s fine, but please put down the sign you are carrying that reads “Conspiracy Victim”. If you need to disprove something because it hasn’t, doesn’t, or won’t work for you maybe the answer lies within instead of around.

There is a saying in the rooms, No major changes the first year of recovery. There are others as well, no relationships, don’t go to clubs, don’t hang around all newcomers, so on and so on. It’s not that they are rules, it’s not that I am a smart ass, it’s I believe what I see.

No where in our literature does it say anything about waiting a year to do anything. I mean a not using drugs was a major change. I was already in a relationship, allegedly, but had no clue about what I was really doing even after 15 years of marriage when I first arrived in NA.
It’s always easy for someone who doesn’t have a job to tell someone they should quit their’s based on some problem they maybe having.
Where is this all going?

Bad decisions, are bad decisions. Ignoring the experience of others, which for the longest time I considered a weakness, is a bad decision. It’s not that I have some corner on the market to intelligent information, it boils down to…

I have seen this shit all before.

Guys I sponsor involved in relationships way too early…relapse.
Guys I sponsor involved in going places they shouldn’t….relapse.
Guys I sponsor not putting in the effort…..relapse.
Guys who feel that they shouldn’t feel……relapse.
Guys who think they have “Got This”…..relapse.
Guys who think this doesn’t apply to them because they are smart…..relapse.

You can substitute guys for girls in there at any point. There is no difference in recovering men and women with exception to a random X Y chromosome.
I am struggling even in my own right of doing the basics I tell my own guys. Hypocritical? Maybe, apathetic? Possibly. Complacent…mosy definately. I know I will get back on track. See the difference here is I am not under any delusions. I am not in denial over what or who I am.
For some, the 12 Steps are viewed as a “Get better quick program” based on cult like information. What I have learned is the 12 Steps are more of a formula for reshaping the way I think.
I told my wife the other night after a frustrating day of phone calls, that I can’t help the way my brain is wired. It’s not my fault. If there was some switch to turn it off, I would, but I can’t. So I use what I learn on an experimental basis and see how it can help me live my life the best I can.
She looked at me after all this time with not the “Smart Ass” look but the look of her understanding.

I still break the rules, if you want to call it that. There are rules everywhere I go. It’s ok, most I don’t want to break but occasionally, I still do. I guess I just know what my limitations are based in the amount of pain I have had in my life. Some just aren’t there yet, so they will break the rules, feel the pain of the situation, and wonder why.

I stopped asking why…..I now ask HOW.

Take Care….Bob D.


Comments on: "And we still break the rules…" (2)

  1. It’s amazing how quickly I can feel the pain of an unhealthy decision today. There are things I do that are solution oriented and esteemable and they make me feel good and there are things that make me feel not so good about myself. I don’t like feeling not so good about myself.

  2. beyondtheendoftheroad said:

    Sounds like a fair statement to me.

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