Just Another Recovering Person

First and foremost….Today is the first day of the rest of your life, unless today is your day to die.

A client brought a loaded gun and a knife into where I work. I am fine, our staff is okay, and the client is in jail. As I sit here my part in things was small, so I won’t have you believe I am some Super Hero. I came in on the tail end of things, dealt with the police, handled speaking to our staff involved, and watched as the client was removed from my work area in handcuffs…with that look in their eyes. The look of someone who is not in their right mind, beyond all reasoning, and in the depths of madness.
I spoke with the main staff person involved, sat and listened as he cried, thinking of his family. I find myself thinking of mine, of home.
When I get home I will hug and kiss and tell all of them I love them. We talk often about not taking things for granted, today could have been much worse. Thank God it didn’t.

I was in a meeting last night and one of the newer members started talking about the Devil, God, and how they were being tested. Being new, the group always extends a little courtesy. Some would jump at the opportunity to use the Traditions as a Hammer of Justice. That is not what they were intended for. We become angry with newcomers because they don’t know how “To Talk”. How did you talk when you were new?
This person was referred to NA through their church. I know the pastor and he is a solid guy. He understands that church alone may not be enough for some people. I stopped quibbling about this long ago, why just going to church works for some and others not. I tried religion and it wasn’t sufficient enough for me. It doesn’t mean that church doesn’t work for what it was intended for or for others, so I just stopped worrying about it.
What I do worry about is how this talk can affect other newcomers. I know I didn’t and still don’t want to hear about God vs.The Devil in some spiritual warfare waged in NA Meetings. This is not our purpose. It’s not even up to me to talk about a Higher Power.
If I am in a meeting and say, “I’d like to give the credit to my HP, Jesus Christ, for all the good in my life” I am endorsing a particular religion that may send someone away from NA thinking it is a religious, not spiritual program when it is the opposite.
It is not up to me to describe, endorse, or push what my HP is onto anyone, at any meeting. If I did it would rob the newer member into finding what works for them. My understanding of a HP has changed, evolved, since getting clean and as I grow I am sure it will change again.

So there was a guy who simply told the group that we don’t play doctor and try to diagnose or fix other people’s problems. That we share experience not religious theories. This seemed to pass right over the group of 3 or 4 people whom were using the meeting as a potential bible study. One woman even got up and went and grabbed a bible off of a rack (We meet in a church). After several people sharing I am not sure the message fell on receptive ears.

My daughter wrote me a note while being grounded. Telling me we are too much alike. That she loves me as her dad but thinks I suck as a person. That’s odd, I seem to have written the same thing! I guess we have agreed that we aren’t always agreeable. She finished her grounding today and the rest of this past week has been quite. I don’t know about anything anymore. I guess I will just sit and wait. See if there really are any changes in her behavior. If the same things continue, I will know that there is more to come. I just need to be prepared and not let my anger take control of the situation. I need to be the adult.

Take Care.

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Comments on: "God vs. The Devil, Loaded Guns, and Home" (6)

  1. Do you mind writing what happened to the main guy who was involved with the dude who had a loaded gun? What he threatened? Did the dude actually point the weapon at someone? Scary…
    As to the meeting stuff, imagine what it was like trying to ignore the God talk down here in the Bible belt. Ugh…
    Lorna’s letter made me smile.

  2. This reminds me of when I was a smoker. I really did not like listening to reformed smokers who’s whole conversations were about how bad smoking is. When I quit, I tried not to be one too, but only half succeeded.

    Not to preach to the choir but if neither you or your daughter change the way you are interacting with each other there will be not different results than the present one. On the other hand, sometimes there is no solution.

  3. That must have been a life changing experience for you. Having a gun pulled on you would make anyone reflect on a few things. You took a negative event and turned it around not only to be a better man, but also a better parent. It sounds like you are aware that out of control anger is what probably prompted the gunman’s actions. You also described anger towards newcomers who join the discussion and don’t always follow the groups preferred protocol. Again you used reasoning rather than anger to navigate your feelings about the situation. Finally, recognizing the fact that acting like an adult in regards to your father and daughter relationship means leaving anger at the door is the most positive conclusion you can make. Thank you for your story.

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