I am ever mindful of our Traditions. That I need to maintain anonymity at the level of press, radio, and films. It’s not that I’m someone famous, in fact, just the opposite. I am just another recovering person. I use only my first name, I use only my children’s first names. I have found that disclosure, although a personal choice, may not necessarily just affect me. It can affect my children, my siblings, and so on.
I have been asked why I haven’t attempted to write a book. The thought has crossed my mind. I don’t consider my story anymore unique than the millions of others in this life who have struggled with an addiction. It’s not that I have discovered a solution that isn’t readily available to those who want it. I have no corner on the market in living by Spiritual Principles. I believe there are enough inspirational books out there that my story is best suited in its proper place.
It doesn’t mean that I don’t freely share when I am asked. To a large majority of society they could care less that I am in recovery. Most of America loves a scandal, but in turn, love a story of redemption just as much. We are a society driven by a media that thrives on fear and consumption. For every headache, there are at least 100 remedies. For every 100 remedies, there are 1,000 side effects.
I guess the point of this post, yes number 2 for today, is that after formally writing on a Step, for me, it takes a matter of time for the principles of the Step to sink in. For things to become a bit clearer. Having worked all 12, the 12th Step of “Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to addicts, and to practice these principles in all of our affairs”, is being able to do what I was intended to do in the 1st place.
To be a human being…..
For my wife….
Although you joke that my memory has faded, or better yet how it is selective:
I still remember how you looked the first day I saw you.
I still remember our first kiss.
I still remember how you looked on our wedding day.
I still remember the look on your face the first time you went in the ocean.
I still remember the smile on your face the first time you saw our children.
I still remember the look on your face at the “Jurassic Park Ride”.
I still remember the look on your face when I told you I was addicted.
I still remember the look on your face when I had 1,2,3,4 years clean.
I still remember the corny movies you made me sit through.
I still remember the boat ride in Nashville as one of the most picture perfect moments together.
You are my angel, my light in the dark, the constant voice of reason in my insane world. I walk out the door each day knowing that you are the greatest thing that could ever happen to guy like me. I am blessed more today than I ever have been.
Someone once asked me why it is an addict like me deserved a woman like you. I didn’t have the answer then, and I still don’t today.
I guess why she has stayed with me these last 18 years is that she saw something in me that I couldn’t see in myself……until today.
That I have a purpose for being here, that there is always hope, love, and a life worth living.
I Love You Christa,