I’ve been thanking people, calling people, and saying good-bye for the last 2 days and I haven’t even left! People keep coming up to me, asking me why I am leaving, where we are going, what I will be doing and I keep saying the same things over and over. It’s starting to catch up with me.
I had breakfast this morning with a business contact whom I respect very much. He is an older gentleman and a Vietnam Veteran. He listened to my schtick and i asked him how he was….
He told me, ‘Bob I’m dealing with skin cancer’.
You never said anything about this before Jim.
It’s been going on for a year now.
Why didn’t you say anything?
He just smiled and nodded his head at me. He told me he has a claim in with the VA over Agent Orange, that he was a point man in Nam’. He says he doesn’t blame the government, that he shouldn’t have been walking around in the shit in the first place.
We talked about life and how sometimes you just have to make a leap of faith. I saw that same phrase on a billboard today and I have said it a 100 times myself over the last week.
We are taught from an early age to ‘make plans for the future’. When does the future become the present? What about today? What about my life in the here and now? Don’t I deserve to take a risk? Some folks are calling me crazy or stupid. Why would you want to give up all you have built up here?
Jim told me that God puts us where we are supposed to be. I don’t know about all that but it sounded good, it comforted me. That’s what it’s really about isn’t it? A little comfort?
I believe I deserve to take a chance if the reasons are right, maybe I am crazy, but at least i will have given it a try.
After I said good-bye to Jim I was riding down Broad Street into downtown and it hit me. I have made a lot of friends here, both personal and professional friends. I am respected in my community. I am trustworthy and my employer thinks I am great. I thought about Jim and Nick. I thought about my sponsor and my neighbor and the reality of saying good-bye to these folks started to make me emotional.
It dawned on me the reason it stings is that I care today. In the past people came and went in my life and it never really bothered me, it didn’t bother me because I didn’t care. This has been one of those spiritual awakenings we talk about in recovery.
I haven’t been feeling connected lately, due to my part in things, and this feeling let me know I’m still connected, I’m just not putting in the work I should. I need this program, this faith to keep me moving before the good-bye’s of life catch up with me.
Take Care….Bob D.