It’s been a few days since my last post. I am still clean, above and beyond anything else, without that nothing is possible.
He slipped the handcuffs on behind my back
And left me reeling on a steel reel rack
They got’em all in the jailhouse baby
Ain’t living long like this
Can’t live at all like this, can I baby?
Grew up in Houston off the wayside drives
Son of a carhop and some all night dives
Dad drove a stock car to an early death
All I remember was a drunk man’s breath
Ain’t living long like this
Can’t live at all like this,can I baby?
I played this Waylon Jennings tune in so many dives it’s impossible to remember them all. I remember being hopped up on something one night and looking at the lead singer as he sang. He looked back at me with that look like he was singing it especially for me that night…..I closed my eyes and knew that the song somehow told an important chapter in my life that I refused to believe…Under the lights playing music, I could live forever.
My playing days are long behind me now. I heard this song driving down an old gravel back road the other night. Funny, it still holds some meaning today. A memory of days watching folks drink themselves into oblivion while trying to create a memory and capture a feeling.
The house has been quiet. I would like to thank all of those who support me in my journey, especially Elz and David. My daughter hasn’t really said a whole lot about anything. All of our family here is aware of what happened, why it happened, and have been supportive. All of them have told my daughter that if her behavior is going to be like this, that she is not welcome in their homes to which she was quite surprised. They told her that they do not want her around if she is going to be disrespectful and violent toward us.
I think she got the message.
I don’t want to minimize my part in this whole thing. I could have handled my anger better but I know that for any of you who have read this or any other one of my blogs, we have been dealing with this as parents for almost 3 years now. I don’t feel that it is anyone’s place to judge me or criticize me unless you have walked in my shoe’s. Some would say it is a question of faith and prayer, others medicine and psychology, and still some parenting in general. I would say to you, if this problem were to develop in your home and you are faced with it, when you lay down at night and pain of living like that is so great you are ready to walk away from everything…then we will chat.
I continue to search for recovery here. I feel that I was fortunate to have early recovery in an environment like Columbus because it has been the fuel and at times the fumes that have kept me going here. I picked back up my book and have read a little. The brighter note is I did discover why the meetings here are so poorly attended. There is really no PR work that has been done to speak of. I am trying to open a meeting in a town about 30 miles from here that has 2 treatment facilities but yet no meetings.
I have traveled to meetings 60 miles roundtrip from where I currently live and have met some nice folks along the way. I still believe that folks here have ‘Drug Court’ and NA confused but it’s not me having to get a slip signed now is it?
My first day at work was Friday. I was apprehensive about going in. I worked hard and paid attention. In doing that I was given a dollar an hour raise my first day. I am good at what I do, and it all came back to me in a matter of hours. It’s just a matter of learning their system.
I hope this post finds you all well.
Take Care….Bob D.