Everything is Temporary…….
Change is constant. Sometimes I see it, feel it, realize it’s happening, and roll with it. Sometimes it creeps up on me, I don’t understand it, become frustrated with it, and wonder why it’s happening.
Change, or the acceptance of change is a sore spot for addicts. A number of years ago Spencer Johnson wrote a book entitled, ‘Who Moved My Cheese’. My boss at the time fell in love with the book and every conversation at some point centered on how that book should be read as required reading in schools, or as a company policy guideline. It got to be annoying after a while. I finally told him after one more reference to the book, ‘I don’t know who moved the damn cheese Rick, and I really don’t care’. I’d like to say I owe him an apology…but he lost the business due to bad decisions. I guess maybe he should have read the book a little more thoroughly?
The thing I take from the book is the fear that we all face in change. Haw writes on the wall of the maze, ‘What would you do if you weren’t afraid’? What would we do if we had no fear of change? Make stupid decisions or wild leaps of faith without concern for ourselves or others? A certain level of fear is natural, it is healthy. When fear becomes paralyzing it is harmful and stops our growth as individuals.
We went yesterday and traded my wife’s old minivan in for a 2010 Dodge Journey. Dealing with car dealerships, and the whole situation itself, to me, was stressful. My wife has known for a year that we needed to dump that old car. It was just a matter of time before it completely broke down. That van did what it needed to do. Trips to Florida, trips here to Louisiana before we moved, Indianapolis, and so on. She didn’t like the fact the dealership wanted money down but they did give us more than the van was worth on trade so I think it worked out.
School here for the kids continues to be a challenge. David is struggling trying to find an identity for himself. Lorna is still holding onto Ohio as if she were still going to school there. I am reminded by family and friends that time is the only thing that will change this. I have been helping David with homework and have pretty much dropped riding my daughter about embracing her new environment. She is 16 and a half, she will find her own way when she is ready. I have no doubt in my mind that when she graduates she will leave and go back to Ohio which is her decision. I am just afraid that it will be for all the wrong reasons. Her mother and I have talked and are pretty much on the same page. Get her to stay long enough to get her diploma and turn 18, after that she is free to do whatever it is that she wants.
I have yet to decide on a meeting schedule. I have been doing some writing on Stepwork, and read a little this week but have made no firm decisions or commitments on meetings. I need to do this and get a routine going. I know it is dangerous ground for me to not be connected on that level. I need to hear and talk to other recovering folks.
I hope this post finds you all well.
Take Care….Bob D.