Just Another Recovering Person

At night I have become accustomed to seeing all sorts of critters and varmints. Noises and bumps in the night here in Louisiana. Sometimes in sitting outback I will see any assortment of bugs, frogs, and the like just going about their business.

There is a spider by my back door that I have been watching. Diligently she spins a web and catches things to eat. I noticed the other night how large she was getting and then the cocoon was made. I knew it wouldn’t be long as she would lay her eggs. I had forgotten that soon after she does this, the spider, dies.

I saw her sitting quietly in the web, not moving, and for a moment something washed over me…..The simplicity and complexity of life….all in the same breath. I wondered if other people saw the things I do, or if they feel the same way, or are they too caught up in the doldrums of existence to see one small spider?

 There are tree frogs that love to cling to the siding on our place. I think because the siding is cool at night. They just sit and watch me, sometimes giving out a croak as to acknowledge my existence to them. I have seen several and find them relaxing. Salamanders on the other hand seem to crawl and stop to see if I am worthy of climbing on. I have seen a few that are pretty big, but take no real interest in me.

I set up our telescope out back as the moon has been full and brilliant at night here for the past week. A front rolled through last night and it rained. I think the skies will be clear tonight and it is supposed to get cool which may hold the mosquitoes at bay.

We went to the ArkLaMiss fair last night which was ok, but rather small and expensive. I am looking more forward to the State Fair in Shreveport at the end of October. In going to the fair I had memories of us going to the Ohio State Fair and the good times we had there. When I laid down last night I found myself homesick yet again. I told myself there are a million new memories to be made here if I am open-minded about it.

I went to another AA meeting on Thursday and I spoke for the first time. I was extremely nervous and told folks that I was new to the area and commented on the 1st three steps. I spoke in general recovery terms as I have no working knowledge of AA’s Steps or Traditions. They are similar to NA but also different. I learned a long time ago, when you are in someone elses house, you respect the house you’re in, so I made no specific reference to things but was able to convey my feelings on the topic.

I had a couple of people come up to me after the meeting and talk for a moment or two, but I still remained guarded. I’ve been guarded since I got here. I feel a little more comfortable but just not yet ‘at home’.
I continue to work, pray, and talk to my HP. I continue to balk at certain things as well. Progress…..not perfection is the goal.

I hope this post finds you all well.

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Comments on: "The Spider, The Frog, and The Fair" (2)

  1. Friday afternoon I found a dying moth on my doorstep. It was beautiful and it didn’t seem right to let it die in the outer corridor in my apartment complex. I carried it into the forest on the edge of my apartment to leave it under a bush. Suddenly a butterfly with torn wings landed on the hand that was carrying the moth. It sat there fanning its wings for a minute or so then fluttered off, and I can a similar moment to the one you descibed regarding the spider. I believe most people see the spider.
    Regarding the AA meeting, just know I am thinking of you and proud of all you do.

  2. I often enjoy going to meetings and setting my mind to “open”. It takes a deliberate effort on my part.

    Public speaking was a big part of my career for about 10 years and I find I get asked a lot. Or had when I was at meetings more often. I cut back largely because I no longer wanted to speak. I wanted to hear, internalize, and change.

    I also didnt want my ego to get fed. Podium meetings allow that. In fact, they subtly encourage it.

    The traditions are only an effort to remain guarded from corruption of the ego. They do not prevent it completely. I am drifting here.

    What I wanted to say was good on you for going to a fellowship outside of your normal path of travel. It is amazing what we can pick up and learn in unlikely and unfamiliar places. If not this time, perhaps next time.

    I went to a debtors anonymous meeting a while ago to shake up my perceptions on money. Even though I am by and large responsible with my money, I had to shake up the part of me that wasnt. Was great experience and I learned a thing or two to change and improve.

    Ciao.

    Chaz

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