Just Another Recovering Person

On A Whim and Some Guilt

When faced with being right or wrong, I don’t need to be right, I just don’t like to be wrong……

I sit and sometimes ask myself, ‘What really brought us here’? Moving across country. Leaving behind jobs, friends, memories, a sense of belonging and purpose that would permeate my being most days. I tell myself we did it for our kids, for our sanity, to move out of the inner city, to move away from a city whose population is pushing over a million, to a town whose population is roughly 50,000.

To a different culture, to a different way of thinking and doing. Do I fit in? Am I really the chameleon I thought I was? Have I adapted or have I accepted?

In watching the sunset this evening with an odd purplish pink glow not accustomed to being seen in the north and a warm breeze I caught myself believing all of these things for just a moment. In reality, I understand I moved to make others happy. My wife, my kids at that point in time, and our relatives. I’m not convinced I made myself any more or less happy, I am convinced that if I am able to do this, I can do anything. That in doing this I have in truth set myself free in some odd way.

I went to an NA meeting last week on a whim and some guilt. When I am at my lowest, God, as I understand him, is at the top of his game. A guy at the meeting asked me to sponsor him. I am back in the solution again, helping someone else and in turn that helps me.

Work has been steady and my wife is frustrated at her temporary placement.
My son continues to believe that school here is a social junket and has received detentions to remind him it’s not.
My daughter continues to sneak and talk to boys we wouldn’t approve of.
An oddly enough, all seems right in the bizarro world I call reality.

Our wedding anniversary is fast approaching. It is the 26th of this month. We will be married 19 years. I love my wife more today than I did yesterday. I am truly a blessed man. I am open for suggestions for gifts.

I hope this post finds you all well. Special holler out to David and Elizabeth who went to Disney to celebrate a late Honeymoon. I hope they had fun on Space Mountain…..the ride that is!

Take Care.
Bob D.


Comments on: "On A Whim and Some Guilt" (4)

  1. “When faced with being right or wrong, I don’t need to be right, I just don’t like to be wrong……”

    People make decisions in the moment based off the iformation they have. When things don’t turn out the way we wanted or hoped, all that means is we’ve been given an opportunity to reflect. Guilt serves no purpose, and usually leads us to do things contrary to our evolution. Guilt is just another word for fear.

    Figure out your inner nature. Remembering who you were as a kid can be a good way to help with that. Follow what you know, and your curiosities – not what you think. We’re all here to learn. Sometimes making what seems to be a mistake – is just a gift from the Universe for you to contempate your situation in a new light. That’s a good thing.

    Just a thought.

  2. I’m so glad you went to an NA meeting and that you are sponsoring someone. I think it’s a huge compliment if/when someone asks you to sponsor them. It means that you exemplify hope and express wisdom – that someone wants what you have worked so hard for – serenity. And I happen to think you are a natural ‘counselor’/mentor, with a lot to offer those in need.
    I liked what neftwink had to say about your decision to move. And I think that becoming an active participant in the recovery community will help you adjust and feel like you ‘fit in’.
    It must be very difficult for a teenager to move to a new town and school. Have you talked to teachers and/or counselors at his school about his adjustment issues? Or, even a few sessions with a private therapist might be helpful. Schools vary so much – expectations, standards, quality of teachers, curriculum, resources. Your son may be having some difficulty with all the above, because his previous school maybe didn’t ask as much from him. Let him know that you support him and want to help him get the best education possible – that it will determine his future – and that you are willing to get him the help he might need right now – both emotionally and academically. Schools don’t want students to fail. And if they know that parents are involved and interested, they will usually do what they can to help the struggling student achieve. Hang in there. Peggy

  3. I am interested in hearing how your sponsee fairs in a fellowship that has so little… well… fellowship in your area. He sure makes up for what is lacking in his awesome sponsor.
    Thanks for the well wishing my friend. Unfortunetly we had a mostly awful time. I injured my foot and spent most of the trip being pushed around in a wheelchair by my wonderful husband. A couple other things worked against us as well. All in all it was not relaxing in the slightest but we both did enjoy our day at the food and wine festival in the world showcase at epcot.
    Still, it really was awesome coming home and realizing i was happy to be here, go back to work and school, and be with my husband and boys.

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