Just Another Recovering Person

It started either with the disposable camera or diaper, I’m not sure which, that sparked off this generation. You know Gen X, Gen Y, now it’s what I call the ‘Disposable Generation’. Anything can be replaced once it’s used up….Jobs, Living Arrangements, Boyfriends/Girlfriends, Friends, and Family. Once it’s served it’s purpose, it’s no longer needed, and tossed to the side like expired cell phone minutes. Twitter, Facebook, and Texting have taken the place of Hello, How are you, and Have a Nice Day.

My daughter is in this generation. I am disposable. So is her mother. Most of her friends have been. So have boys. It’s not that anything has changed, except me maybe, I guess I find some comfort in looking at it this way. Already a know manipulator and liar, loud and rude, and of course general know it all, this outlook has solidified what her mother and I know to be true. When you are 18, it is time for you to go.

It’s not that anything major has happened again. It is the daily grind of living with her that is wearing us down. When an argument can erupt over a glass of milk you know it’s bad. Her behavior is starting to show in our 12-year-old son, whom has been a shining example through all of her difficulties. His mouth has started to kick in, because he see’s her do it and thinks it is acceptable. See, she can be vicious with her mouth. Say things that just come through her head without regard for anyone’s feelings. There is no couth, no tact, no respect. Not just to us, but to anyone. She feels this is ‘honesty’ and people just need to deal with her the way she is. The sense of entitlement is overwhelming.

I’ve spoken to other parents. It’s not just us. There are others out there that go through or are going through the same thing. I thought we were doing a decent job at parenting. I thought we were ‘Hip Parents’. I wonder what brought this on? Did we spoil here? Cater to her too much? Is it society or subliminal messages sent through Barney or The Wiggles? I’m sure I could blame music, movies, MTV, Rap, and a slew of other outside sources but is that really it, or is it what they see in the world. Does the world really look so fucked up to them that this is their answer?

Most of the ‘songs’ my daughter listens to usually includes the lines ‘Everything we been through or All we goin’ through’. When you are 15, 16, 19, 23…How much have you really went through? I am sure some have endured a tremendous amount, but we aren’t talking about the minority here. It’s like having sex at 15 and the girl breaking up with me. I thought the end of the world had come, not realizing every woman on the planet earth was capable of doing to me what that girl did in the back of a car.

Is it immaturity or lack of sense? I don’t have the answers but I know this, we have 17 months left with her. 17 months and although I Love her, it will be time to go. My wife has agreed. When you have your diploma, and you have turned 18, your time with us is done. I told her this the other night. I told her you need to make sure you have your plans straight, that you do what you need to do. You can do anything in the world that you want to do, you just aren’t going to do it here living with us.

Thanksgiving is next week. It will be difficult not seeing my Mom or Dad. I will call them. I hope all of you have a safe and enjoyable Holiday with your family, loved ones, and friends.

My brother-in-law called last night. He wants to come down after Christmas with his wife and 3 or 4 kids. We don’t have the room to put them all up. But if they want to come, I guess come and we can go from there.

Inventory at work came out at 1.5% loss for the year which is acceptable for 1.5 million in sales.

I’m still here. Plodding along in spite of myself sometimes. I’d like to thank Nora, Elz, and Peg for their continuing support and love. Even the days I am hardest on myself I understand that my life today has so much more purpose and meaning than to waste it on drugs. I have come too far. December 19th I will have 5 years clean. This has been by far the toughest year with the most challenges. But it has taught me that my resolve is firm, my faith is intact, and that I am a capable person. That I am stronger than what I think, that I can achieve goals, and that recovery, today, is possible.

If not one thing I said made sense, it’s ok. Sometimes I just need to vent…If your over 25 that is for you……

Take Care.

Bob D.

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Comments on: "If Your Under 25…This is for you…." (2)

  1. This comment is going to seem way out in left field but stay with me, I’ll tie it back into your post. A million years ago the creatures on this harsh planet each used whatever skill they had to survive long enough to procreate before being killed or dying. It was a dark world back then and nothing had comfort. Over the years humans began to increase their intellect enough to allow for basic comforts (fire, shelter, clothes). It was still a hard life and 35 looked like 65. If you had a toothache you had to pull the tooth out yourself or deal with it. If you had appendicitis you died. It was only in the last 4000 years that humans started to get an edge over this planet. We had such comfort and luxury at times that we would take large portions of the day to weave on a loom or make a beautiful piece of art or philosophize about the meaning of it all. Did you know the Romans had ice in their glasses? We were finally climbing up to this ideal that one day, our children may get a bit of peace in their lives and not spend every second toiling in squalor. By the 1900’s Life on this planet looked very different. Mankind had won, above ALL other creatures, the right to relax. We have dominion over nature, animals, everything. I have an abundance of everything I could ever want or need.
    I stand AMAZED that the prize for such a long, amazing accomplishment is what we have today. People are overweight, on anti-depressants and blood pressure meds. We are divorced and have the attention span of a fly. We are listless and drifting. We are lost. I look at our history and wonder if we are being punished for breaking the rules of the game. Is life supposed to be toil and sweat? Is making it so much easier what is causing our kids to turn into drifters?
    I dunno…. I’m just pondering. I thank my lucky stars for Connor and Gray, and I see a lot of good in the kids at my yoga studio and in college. All is not lost, and there are some amazing kids out there, but I also see what you are talking about in Lorna ALL over the place (including myself)… and I AM afraid for the children of the year 3000.

  2. I was talking about teenagers at dinner with friends just last night. Their kids are entering their adolescent years and everyone around the table was sucking their teeth and shaking their head in empathy. Teenagers. They are scary but we were all a nightmare at the same age right?!
    I think you hit the nail on the head though – times have changed. I didnt have a computer, Facebook, Twitter, a mobile phone – I had to get out there and talk to people or I would have to sit on my own in my bedroom and stare at my Guns & Roses pictures!

    I think parenting has changed too. We are so focused on getting it right it makes that a huge pressure too. Especially when we go through rocky patches with our kids.

    The thing about your daughter is that she is behaving to stereotype. When she is 22 she will come back home SO embarassed about how she behaved that she will be the sweetest daughter you could ever imagine. This is one wave that you just have to ride and I think telling her she has to get out there and do it alone is fair enough. That life experience will serve her well.

    On an aside – HUGE congratulations on your five years clean. Thats an incredible achievement and gives people like me a huge amount of hope. Things in our extended family aren’t great. My dad, who is 77, wants to go to Hannah’s flat tomorrow to see what is going on. That is a terrifying prospect given its now a crack den. I hope to God he changes his mind…

    I hope you have a good Thanksgiving next week. I had my first ever Thanksgiving dinner last night (I am 1/8th American and celebrated with family here in Switzerland). I had never even had turkey (mad for an English girl). Was very impressed with it all!!.

    All the best,
    Nora x

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