‘I like to hear you talk Mr.Bob’.
Funny….I like to hear myself talk too…….
I once read or heard Stephen Hawking describe the largest difference between animals and ourselves is that we somehow gained the ability to talk.
I have also heard the phrase ‘People are talking, but what are they really saying’?
In a meeting the other night several different topics came up. Expectations, resentments, outcomes, dealing with others in our lives, and a lot of it for me ended up being my ability, or lack there of, to talk or communicate how I really feel about things. I am still astounded how difficult it can be for me to open up about certain subjects. Most of it is based on my perception of the events/person and my willingness to accept those events/persons for exactly what they are.
But because of my recent demeanor, the lack of effort I have been putting in as of late, I did talk. I talked about a few things, and offered my experience in others. It was good to see others nod at me in recognition of what I was feeling and thinking and it was something that they could relate to and had been there themselves. It is and was that therapeutic value of one addict helping another I was needing.
I am reminded in the 10th Step that I need to take a personal inventory and when I am wrong to promptly admit it. Without those prompt admissions the breeding ground for resentments and anger quickly can overcome my thinking. The reason for that personal inventory is so that I can keep my present reality, my world, my place in it, all of those things in check so that I can spare myself some pain. I am becoming more aware of what I am than what I am not.
I started my 2nd job on Friday. What a study in patience this has been. Orientation has been to say the least, a joke. 16 new people, and 1 person to do paperwork and field questions doesn’t seem to work very well. I did computer training yesterday, today, and tomorrow and hopefully will be assigned with someone on Monday night that can show me what I will be doing. It’s not hard work and my goal is to get 32 hours in a week at this job.
I will be working a lot. I know this and have been trying to prepare myself mentally, physically, and spiritually. We had to do something. My goal is to bust ass over the next year and get us out of this debt. If it takes a little longer so be it, but I am tired of us being broke.
Life continues to move forward with up days and down days, but my spirits are better than what they have been over the past few weeks. I hope this post finds you and yours well.
Take Care,
Bob D.
Beyond The End of the Road's Blog 
Comments on: "Prompt Admissions" (3)
72 hours a week? Holy hell… I dunno man. Good luck and know I’ll be praying and hoping this can be maintained. Have you considered declaring bancruptcy to clear your debt?
As for your statement “a lot of it for me ended up being my ability, or lack there of, to talk or communicate how I really feel about things.”
I have a lot to say about this. I feel very strongly that most families spend zero time teaching their kids how to identify their feelings, name their feelings, and communicate their feelings, usually because the parents also do not know how. This causes many to grow up with limited skills in communication which affects nearly every aspect of their quality of life (marriages, friendships, personal exploration). Mine and David’s parents are certainly no different so it’s a miracle we both turned out like we did. I find when it comes to trying to break the cycle of silence the solution has alwaysbeen “practice, practice, practice”.
The great thing about meetings is their offer people a chance to do just that. I feel the self-analysis, exploration and communication is REALLY why it works.
I have thought about it but I want us to be able to have the option of buying a place within the next couple of years. It’s only for a while, and if it becomes to much I’ll know when to say when.
I agree completely with your last 2 sentences.
Hi, Bob. Am thrilled to read that you’re actively involved in a program there – and are feeling comfortable enough to be yourself. You underestimate your communication skills. They are fantastic – and you do have something to say and a lot to offer in terms of your experience, insight, and wisdom. Thanks for sharing – and for taking the risk to be vulnerable. Letting others see your vulnerability is what allows them to do the same – – – and truly connect. I’m fortunate to ‘know’ you – and gain a lot from what you have to say. Thank you.