Everything I thought was important isn’t….
And everything that isn’t important…..was.
Those could be someone’s ‘Famous Last Words’, or they could be just the ramblings of a tired guy like myself. My posts have been, well, nonexistent as of late. My 2 job lifestyle kind of leaves me with little to no extra time anymore. I’m not sure if that’s good or bad but I certainly hope this post finds you all well.
I received a promotion at work yesterday. I will be moving up to inside sales. I’ve done something similar in the past and I couldn’t in reality turn down the money. It will afford me some better opportunities for the future. There are some hard feelings about it this with some of my co-workers because another fellow was being considered and was passed over for me. I have only been with the company 10 months but have 13 years experience in this field.
I tried to go to a meeting about a week ago only to find no one there. I came home dejected and told my wife I wasn’t sure what to do anymore. NA in this area is just not happening. I found out that one of the guys here with ‘time’ is one of the folks that is involved with the ‘USSC or USSF’. For those not familiar with what this is it is a rogue group of older members of NA who have become disenfranchised with Narcotics Anonymous and have tried to create a similar fellowship.
The problem with it is that it is filled with ego and driven by self-serving individuals who are on the outside looking in. One of the main players is a person who helped move NA forward in the early 1980’s. He spoke at an ‘Unofficial’ event in Columbus, Ohio shortly before I left at a ‘NA Learning Day’. A question was asked at to what the purpose of this event was and the response was, ‘So that people could show some fucking gratitude for what was done’.
These groups, these individuals are trying to recreate the feeling of what it was like to watch a fellowship grow and mold it into what they feel it should have been versus what it is. Basically, they are trying to change their perception of reality and how they feel with the principles they learned in the very fellowship they are trying to now cause a rift in.
The individuals involved with this seem to be folks who were in large metro areas and moved to outlying areas as well as folks who lost touch with NA as it has changed over the years. The problem I have is simply the principles of NA haven’t changed at all. The personalities and ego’s have. I don’t agree with everything that happens at WSC or on a Global Fellowship Scale.
What I do know is this. There is no ‘Golden Era’ of Narcotics Anonymous. That the best way to honor the past or ‘Show some fucking gratitude’ is to look forward to the future, not try to recreate what is already here.
This isn’t the first time this has happened nor will it be the last. It’s hard to be in a ‘Just for Today Program’ while living out resentments from the 1980’s.
I told my wife maybe it would just be better if I went to AA here. In the very least I know the meetings will be there and maybe I can find the support I have been looking for. I feel a sense of guilt that perhaps I should be doing more to help. I realize I am only one person and my schedule right now just won’t let me be as committed as I would like.
There are 2 months of school left and the countdown has already begun for summer. The kids are doing ok. My son is happy again as we have a new dog. His name is ‘Lucky’. I’d like to tell you what breed it is but I’m not sure. I know it is a mix of 3 different dogs for sure. I will try to get some pictures up at some point of him.
All in all we are doing ok. Some days are a blur. I am sure things will change again, they always do.
How are you? Leave me a comment and let me know how you are.