Just Another Recovering Person

Everything I thought was important isn’t….
And everything that isn’t important…..was.

Those could be someone’s ‘Famous Last Words’, or they could be just the ramblings of a tired guy like myself. My posts have been, well, nonexistent as of late. My 2 job lifestyle kind of leaves me with little to no extra time anymore. I’m not sure if that’s good or bad but I certainly hope this post finds you all well.

I received a promotion at work yesterday. I will be moving up to inside sales. I’ve done something similar in the past and I couldn’t in reality turn down the money. It will afford me some better opportunities for the future. There are some hard feelings about it this with some of my co-workers because another fellow was being considered and was passed over for me. I have only been with the company 10 months but have 13 years experience in this field.

I tried to go to a meeting about a week ago only to find no one there. I came home dejected and told my wife I wasn’t sure what to do anymore. NA in this area is just not happening. I found out that one of the guys here with ‘time’ is one of the folks that is involved with the ‘USSC or USSF’. For those not familiar with what this is it is a rogue group of older members of NA who have become disenfranchised with Narcotics Anonymous and have tried to create a similar fellowship.
The problem with it is that it is filled with ego and driven by self-serving individuals who are on the outside looking in. One of the main players is a person who helped move NA forward in the early 1980’s. He spoke at an ‘Unofficial’ event in Columbus, Ohio shortly before I left at a ‘NA Learning Day’. A question was asked at to what the purpose of this event was and the response was, ‘So that people could show some fucking gratitude for what was done’.
These groups, these individuals are trying to recreate the feeling of what it was like to watch a fellowship grow and mold it into what they feel it should have been versus what it is. Basically, they are trying to change their perception of reality and how they feel with the principles they learned in the very fellowship they are trying to now cause a rift in.
The individuals involved with this seem to be folks who were in large metro areas and moved to outlying areas as well as folks who lost touch with NA as it has changed over the years. The problem I have is simply the principles of NA haven’t changed at all. The personalities and ego’s have. I don’t agree with everything that happens at WSC or on a Global Fellowship Scale.
What I do know is this. There is no ‘Golden Era’ of Narcotics Anonymous. That the best way to honor the past or ‘Show some fucking gratitude’ is to look forward to the future, not try to recreate what is already here.
This isn’t the first time this has happened nor will it be the last. It’s hard to be in a ‘Just for Today Program’ while living out resentments from the 1980’s.

I told my wife maybe it would just be better if I went to AA here. In the very least I know the meetings will be there and maybe I can find the support I have been looking for. I feel a sense of guilt that perhaps I should be doing more to help. I realize I am only one person and my schedule right now just won’t let me be as committed as I would like.

There are 2 months of school left and the countdown has already begun for summer. The kids are doing ok. My son is happy again as we have a new dog. His name is ‘Lucky’. I’d like to tell you what breed it is but I’m not sure. I know it is a mix of 3 different dogs for sure. I will try to get some pictures up at some point of him.

All in all we are doing ok. Some days are a blur. I am sure things will change again, they always do.

How are you? Leave me a comment and let me know how you are.

Take Care,
Bob D.

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Comments on: "A New Position, A New Dog, and A New NA?" (10)

  1. SandySays1 said:

    It’s obvious you’re frustrated and have every right to be. However, don’t let that get you down. What you’re trying to do is right – don’t be dissuaded from your efforts. Your efforts will make you stronger.
    Sandy
    http://www.sandysays1.wordpress.com
    PS – Say “Hi” to Lucky for me.

  2. Elizabeth said:

    Bob, You have not had one reason given to you to stay in NA since you moved and yet you still keep grappling with this issue. I respect your dedication to NA but at this point I think you’re being a little stubborn and need to just go to AA or not go to meetings. As always you can tell me to go to hell 😉
    Congratulations on your promotion. I am sorry this caused you some discord at work but you deserve the promotion. Does this mean you can cut back a little at Walmart? I hope so.
    David and I are both stressed to the max. He has started a new job for insurance so we can buy the Parkinsons drugs we need but he is still with his old job too, working from home 20 hours a week. You know what 60 hour weeks feel like so I dont need to eexplain how David’s doing. Meanwhile I am at home picking up the slack with all that David no longer has the energy to do. Money is short despite us all working very hard, plus life is bursting with little frustrations this week. I injured my hip and have had a hell of a time setting up an MRI so I can find out what the hell is going on, and since I teach yoga for a living it hasn’t beeen easy. Also, my tooth got infected 3 days ago and I was in the worst pain of my life all day Friday. The antibiotics are kicking in now but it was a hell of a way to start a weekend. Plus I got a speeding ticket two days ago :p You get the idea.
    Both David and I send our love and agree that sometimes all you can do is wait for things to change… and we know they will…

    • beyondtheendoftheroad said:

      Boy that is alot all in one lump. Basically your right, I need to piss or get off the pot, not literally that is. I just need to make a decision.
      By the way, I may be in Dallas in June for a week for work. I will let you know when things are finalized.

      • Elizabeth said:

        David and I will meet you wherever and whenever if you come to Dallas. We would love to “meet” you.

  3. Hi Bob,

    I am in a similar zone to you and am only posting sporadically. I am not thinking of you all and continuing to come to terms with having a heroin addict in my life but I am just not finding the hours in the day to get to the computer!
    Huge congratulations on your promotion. Clearly with all that experience it is very well deserved. It is always hard to be comfortable with doing well when others don’t follow but I am sure the vibes at work will settle down.
    Congrats on the arrival of Lucky – always great to have a canine presence in the house!
    All okay this end. Hannah’s addiction continues to rage but am feelingg quite cut off from it at the mo which cant be a bad thing. Will post very soon. Nora x

    • beyondtheendoftheroad said:

      Sometimes the war we wage isn’t won by large battles, but rather small victories. I continue to keep you and Hannah in my thoughts.
      Peace be with you.

  4. What’s Bob? It’s good to hear from you. I’m glad you got a promotion. You’re a man with a strong work ethic. I’m doing well. I took 3 years in March. I’m at the end of my 6th step and I get to go speak at a prison next week. 🙂

    Hang in there and keep putting one foot in front of the other.

    • Elizabeth said:

      Congratualtions on three years Cory!

    • beyondtheendoftheroad said:

      I have faith in you Cory and the program that you work each day. Don’t let my ramblings be anymore than what they are. NA helped me discover the real me, and without that there would be nothing. I have spoken in prison, and I want you to promise me you will hold onto that moment in your heart and your mind because you will have felt what gratitude is in it’s purest form.
      I will be thinking of you.

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