Just Another Recovering Person

Archive for December, 2011

Creating Fate


‘There’s no
limit to what you can accomplish if you don’t care who gets the credit.’
Jack Goldman, Founder of Xerox PARC

 

‘Sometimes a blank TV is not such a bad thing to stare at.’
My Dad

 

I hope you have all been well. I really can’t give you a full explanation as to why I stopped blogging. It was a combination of things, I suppose.
I felt as if though I was rambling, aimlessly, at the obvious and wasn’t in a place where I felt I had much left to offer. I guess first and foremost my blog had become as lifeless as I was becoming. Going thru the motions and not getting at the heart of what was or is going on. Not talking about how I really felt about things. Covering up emotions and using excuses like Kleenex’s.

I am still clean. How I have no clue. Well I do and I don’t. I give the credit to God and to my family whom have both put up with me infinitely. The Basic Text talks about how desire cannot be measured and I am grateful for that, because in reality, desire has really been the only thing I have been using.

I have a desire not to use. I believe that to be different than a desire to stay clean. I have not been to a meeting in several months, I have not read, nor written on steps. I have not done anything related to recovery in a while and surprisingly my behavior hasn’t changed. I credit this to a firm foundation in early recovery and the stark realization of I know what the consequences will be if I return to what brought me on this road to begin with.

I do not recommend this to anyone; in fact I don’t care for it much myself. I now know what the literature means when it talks about ‘apathy and procrastination being 2 of our seemingly inherent enemies’.  I know that things will change, I know that what worked in one phase of recovery may not work in another, and to be honest I am tired of beating myself up over this issue. Right now in this moment in time of my life, I can’t create fate. I can’t ‘make things happen’. I can’t create time that isn’t there; I can’t manipulate others to make my schedule easier.
What I can do is get off my ass and do what I can; everything else will fall into place……

Since my last posts my wife and I celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary. I celebrated 6 years clean time and Thanksgiving and Christmas have come and went.
My daughter’s tirades have reduced to a minimum and she is working for Subway. My son continues his art and his winter campaign to ‘Kill Them All’ on MW3.
My wife and I are enjoying our relationship now more than ever. I am still working way too much. I am still at 2 jobs and hope this will change in April or May. We are more than likely going to have to file bankruptcy. I don’t want to but the figures in black and white don’t lie and I honestly can’t keep up this work life forever. My day starts at 5:30 am and I usually don’t get to sleep until 11 pm, 6 days a week. This may have something to do with why my recovery has been lacking but I knew that going into it.

I hope you all are well. I hope that your Holidays have been well filled with memories and laughter. This year mine have. I have enjoyed these holiday’s more than I have any other. For some, the cheer may not have been as anticipated. My words for you are that Everything is Temporary.

Take Care,
Bob D

I will be returning…..


Despite rumors to the contrary…my demise has been greatly exaggerated.

I took an impromptu, lengthy break from blogging and will be back after the 1st of the year to refocus on what brought me here to begin with.

Recovery.

I am still clean (6 Yr anniversary was on December 19th) and a lot has happened since I last posted. I will fill you all in. I have some great new stuff coming and some revisits to some older material with new thoughts on it.

I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Bob D.