Just Another Recovering Person

Archive for January, 2012

Ghosts of War


I was listening to NPR news after the story broke on the 3rd Battalion 2nd Marine Regiment urinating on dead fighters in Afghanistan and the reporter repeated a quote from a Taliban spokesperson saying that this was, “ Above and Beyond Inhumane Practices”.

I wonder what Nick Berg’s family would say to this.
What about Daniel Stern’s loved ones?

Should our soldiers act in a way that is above what we feel only others are capable of? Perhaps one of those dead fighters was responsible for the death of a comrade. If not on that day, maybe on some other day. Did we reduce ourselves to a level we reserve for others? Is the art of warfare been lost on some trophy hunters whom only revel in the glories of YouTube hits?

I can only offer this…
All is fair in love and war.

 

My schedule at my second job has been cutback significantly. I guess we are at that time of year after the glow of the holidays has faded that reality sets in and people have to pay for what they bought. I should be able to get to a couple of meetings.
I have mixed feelings now. Crazy as it sounds it has been so long since I have been to a meeting that I am nervous thinking about it and I have no idea why. Perhaps it is just my diseased thinking telling me that I don’t need meetings. That it’s been this long, what purpose would it suit to go back.
I feel like I am on the outside looking in all over again. Any words of experience on this topic would be greatly appreciated.

I hope this post finds you all well.
Bob D.

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There was something wrong with me…


I was watching TV the other night and an ad came on and caught my attention….

‘I was an addict for 10 years; I know what you’re going through. We don’t offer a 12 Step Program, but rather a cure for addiction’.
The ad then began to show windswept beaches, aroma therapy, acupuncture, and beautiful people in white robes. I didn’t quite catch the name of the place but I believe it is in California. A cure! A cure has been found? Why wasn’t I informed of this? Certainly it would have made the bottom ‘ticker’ on CNN. Wouldn’t have Oprah or Barbara Walters had a special report on this?

All jokes aside, a cure? Really?

There was something wrong with me, but now it’s fixed. I don’t ever have to worry about it again. I can go about my life never having to worry that I might kill myself or someone else in a drug induced stupor. I don’t ever have to worry about stealing, or lying, or cheating. It won’t ever cross my mind that a drink, pill, or fix doesn’t sound like that bad of an idea to help me in a situation. My loved ones won’t ever have to worry about my condition again….

Our literature talks about how we are given a ‘daily reprieve’. For me this is better than the terminology of ‘cure’.  There were certain medicines that were introduced into rehab a few years ago that were mislabeled as ‘cures’ for those addicted to opiates. Addicts found themselves with perhaps less cravings, but with the same behavior patterns. We talk constantly about changing the very things that brought us to the point of surrender, acceptance of ourselves, and our reality. I have no idea of how a cure can be offered to an ever changing dilemma….ourselves.

We have entered into a new year and the more things change, the more they stay the same. I continue to remain vigilant. My hopes and dreams remain the same. I know there are challenges ahead, joys and sorrows. This year will be a year of change for us as our daughter graduates high school. We have decisions to make both financially and personally. I am tired but well. I hope you are well too.

Talk to you soon.
Bob D.