‘Secrets aren’t free Peter, they all have a cost’.
Aunt May from The Amazing Spider-Man
I turned 44 on Saturday and had a wonderful day with friends and family. Part of the freedom I experience today is the ability to be myself, the ability to be with the people I want to be with and be myself.
Addicts tend to live secret lives. They wear masks for different occasions, for different people. I don’t have to do that today, I am free to be myself.
I spoke to my mother and father on the phone. My mom cried. She told me she misses me since we moved, and I miss her. I haven’t seen her in 2 years. This is the longest I have not been able to see her since birth. It pains me to hear her cry. I need to make every effort to get back to Ohio to see her. The problem is the same as it is for most…Time and Money. I need to quit talking about plans to visit and just make the plans.
My daughter called on Friday telling us that her Uncle is being evicted from where he is staying. She moved in with him and like 7 other people, whom none hold down a job, and are involved in bullshit. When I found out about this originally I told her that this situation was not going to last, her staying with them that is. I asked her to find another way and she has chosen not to. She called asking for money. She said they were leaving there and going to Zanesville. I told her that I thought this was a bad idea, that her Uncle had her a job lined up at a car dealership and would help her to get a vehicle and she turned her nose up at it because she is doing what she wants to do not what she needs to do. This whole situation has become frustrating to the point that letting go is putting claw marks on it. Between the revelation that she is gay, that everything we asked her to do she has done the opposite, and this idea that somehow her life is ‘better’ because she is making decisions based on the influence of her burned out Uncle and his trash girlfriend is mind blowing. I’ve ranted enough.
Letting go is difficult especially when we want to control a situation, a person. I can’t make the decisions for her. I told her on the phone that this situation was not the first time or the last time her Uncle and these other folks had been through this. That she was moving further away from herself and her goals. I got, ‘Ok Dad’ and ‘I hear you Dad’, which means she is not hearing me. Sometimes life HAS to be the teacher.
I continue to go to AA meetings and feel better about my perspective on things. I am currently in Atlanta on business and when I get back I am making a serious effort to ask 1 of 3 guys to sponsor me. I have been looking and listening and have it narrowed down.
Work has been a pain in the ass. We have been extremely busy and short handed.
My wife and son are good and I continue on the path before me.
I hope this post finds you well.