Just Another Recovering Person

Archive for November, 2012

A Falls Count Anywhere Match with Depression

Some of you may know from past posts, and others not that I am a fan of wrestling and have been since like 1978. Before we go any further this isn’t a post of wrestling or a debate of whether its real or not, it’s more just the basic idea of what wrestling is based on…..Emotion.

The basic premise of wrestling is good guys versus bad guys and reaction’s to their actions. If its a boo or a cheer, an applause or throwing popcorn, it’s all based on reaction.

When I am depressed I have no reaction. It’s my thoughts of ‘This is just another event that solidifies my feelings’. I guess in a sense that may be a subconscious reaction. My physical reaction to depression is isolation. I just want to be left alone.

I forced myself to go to a meeting Thursday and didn’t talk. That in itself is a good thing for most people in a meeting as I tend to ramble about nothing, but when I don’t talk a strange thing happens…..I listen.

I heard some things, not about depression, but about gratitude, perception, thankfulness, and how it’s egotistical of me to thing I am actually in control of this. All of these things are really relative to how Higher-Power Centered I am. That being said why does a HP allow me to be depressed?

I don’t believe a HP allows this to happen. I believe this depression, this state of mind is factored by something medical and in something psychological. I’m not a doctor, I am just stating this from my own experience. I don’t take medication, I never have, and I know it will pass it just takes time.

It feels like a lot of things are just stacking up against me. I feel like the positive things aren’t positive enough. I feel irrelevant and that no matter how much effort I put into anything it won’t matter. This is in all areas work, home, recovery. Everything. That’s why this sucks so bad.

I know it will end at some point. Maybe today or tomorrow. It might be next week, who knows. I will continue to move along as I have been. Something will change, it always does.

Take Care,
Bob D.


How Lazy I Have Been, or How Not to Run a Blog

It’s more than obvious that I have not been diligent in writing posts. It’s not that the train has went off the track or that I fell off the face of the earth, it’s more that what works in one phase of recovery may not be appropriate in another
There were times that I would or could write 2 posts in a day 5 or 6 days a week. Now it seems I can barely write 1 post every 2 months. What changed

Me. I still have time to write, not 2 posts a day mind you, but I still have time. I still have plenty of subjects, views, and experience to share. I think what is different is my desire. My focus is in other areas these days. I could also be inherently lazy as well!

My last post was mid September. Shortly after that I was sent to New Orleans for 3 weeks to help with Hurricane Isaac. While I was gone my daughter called in tears wanting to come home. The living situation she placed herself in had imploded. We found out yesterday the Uncle she was staying with is looking at 7-10 years for a crime spree he was on. Some family members bought her a plane ticket home.

Since arriving home she has taken a job with a family member and has been working steady and we have had very few problems. I think the situation she was in showed her you can either roll with life or you can work against it and reap those bitter rewards.

I continue to have regular meeting attendance and have a sponsor. God willing in December I will celebrate 7 years clean. These past 2 years have been the strangest, strenuous, and rewarding of my life. I have proved in fact, not theory, that when clean, anything is possible.

Take Care,
Bob D.