It’s been a long time. I was sitting here at the house, unwinding after another long day and thought I haven’t written in an extremely long time.
I’m not sure if anyone still reads this link or not. When I first started writing I said I would do it first and foremost for myself, and if anyone else got something out of it, so be it.
My life changes daily, not the circumstances of my life, but my perception of life and myself. I can’t be trapped in leftover feelings of yesterday nor the anxieties of tomorrow, it suits no purpose.
Today is all I have, it’s all I’ve ever had, and that can be freeing or condemning based on my perceptions.
A friend told me long ago that perception is reality. That has never left me. The building blocks of recovery are based on my willingness to open my mind, my spirit, and my willingness to recognize the reality of my addiction and what I am willing to do about it.
This does not change no matter how long I stay clean.
Today is one of those days that I find myself pondering, contemplating my life, my existence, my successes, my failures…
I can beat myself up for my shortcomings, my lack of willingness, anything I choose to but the bottom line is that I AM CLEAN. I did not use, I have not used for 7 years, 2 months, and 11 days.
I have clarity of thought, freedom of choice, and a level of sanity has been restored in my life.
I have the ability to love and be loved.
I have been set free. For all the bitching I can do, all that I may think is wrong, for all the emotional fucked up mess I think I can be……
I am ok.
I am worthy.
I am free.