Just Another Recovering Person

Posts tagged ‘Money’

Basements and Gravy


I think I mentioned that I made contact with NA in the new town I will be moving to. It is a small group and most seemed to be ordered there by the drug courts. The state of Louisiana doesn’t play with drug offenders.
If you are caught with an empty prescription bottle that doesn’t have your name on it is a Class 5 felony. Right before we left there was legislation pending that if you are convicted of a drug offense that your driver’s license is stamped “Drug Offender” and has to be kept that way for 8 years. Very interesting.

I am on another site that links recovering people from around the country and “met” a guy who lives in this town. Just my luck he is a person whom on one hand “Thanks the Fellowship that saved his life” but on the other “Bashes the structure and decisions of the Fellowship”. Basically he is a person whom has resentments about events and won’t let them go. He has been clean for 17 years and feels no one in the area can possibly understand his level of “Recovery”. This is just what I didn’t need, I’m just being honest.

In fact I can’t stand this type of person. How in the fuck are you going to say you love NA and then complain about every part of it? I’m not saying that I conform or agree with every aspect of recovery but I am not going to sit and name names, quote figures, run down literature, and basically trash a fellowship who welcomed me with open arms and only wanted to help me. It seems armed with clean time, a resentment, and some information that this person has been able to drive people away from the very group that kept its doors open for him. I came to NA in desperation and all the wanted to do was help.

Whew….That’s off my chest.

I spent the evening helping my wife re-inventory her ‘Barbie’ collection. She is trying to sell it before we leave. I don’t think it is going to happen. She has over 200 dolls that have been in storage and I think they are worth maybe $2,500-$5,000. We need to sell them because I found out her car needs repaired which is $1,300 and truck rental will be about $1,000 as well as finishing my dental work before we go is $500. This is more money than I can lay out all at once. I know we are going to have a yards sale but I don’t think anything we have to sell will get this kind of money together.

A friend of mine got her 5 year coin last night. I texted her and told her congrats. We ended up going out to dinner for my daughter’s birthday. My son acted like a punk due to the attention she was getting. He was pissed because she already had a party and now he feels he should get 3 or 4 parties himself.

Ahh so much to do!! I need to start packing this weekend. I am going to start in the worse area first, the basement!!! Uhh…I figure if I tackle it first everything else will be gravy.

Until Monday….Have a great weekend!

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F*** the Tooth Fairy


So I’m sitting across from my friend Scott who is going to speak and he says..

Something different about ya, Bobby…Pointing to my front tooth.

So it seems, so it is.
Wednesday night after the doctor’s appointment with my daughter I went to a meeting and to make a really long story short, my crown broke off below my gum line. To make it worse it is one of my front teeth.
So I spent the day on Friday at the dentist. It seems that it will take at least 3 more trips to fix what needs to be done. So I am walking around without a front tooth, and don’t find it comfortable or funny.
It makes me talk funny and I am quickly becoming self-conscious about it.
I try to blow it off but it doesn’t help.

Our dryer went out on Sunday, so with this dental work and now looking like a new dryer needing to be purchased we are broke. What else is new?
It’s not that everything is bad, it’s just the timing sucks.

Things at home have been ok. We have been in this spot before so I am realistic to know that can change at any moment.
Not much else to write.

Take Care….Bob D.

How do you feel???


Most days I take feeling for granted. There are days that will live in my memories as both extraordinary, difficult, rewarding, desperate, and a multitude of other words that escape me. Rarely do I sit down and ask myself, “How do you feel?”
Maybe I should do it more often. I usually find I am doing better than what I think. It seems my mind and emotions will allow me to believe on any given day that the end of the world is right around the corner. Our literature reminds me that the principles found in the 12 Steps are to help me deal with the pain and confusion of life or everyday living.
The more I think about it, it kind of seems like an odd but true statement. Somewhere in the way my thinking is wired or through learned behavior patterns, life seems to be painful and confusing. Granted it’s not all the time or my perception of things is slowly changing over time.

I had people tell me my whole life I shouldn’t think or feel a certain way about things. How in the hell can I tell someone how to feel? My thoughts, though off base, are simply that. My thoughts. It is when those thoughts and feelings are driven on impulse, on obsession, on compulsion I am in trouble. I haven’t died from any feeling I’ve had, and my thoughts unless acted on are just random bits of nonsense.

When was the last time you asked yourself….How do I feel today?

Today I feel tired and worried. Tired from staying up too late. I took the kids to see Monday Night Raw (WWE) last night. We had fun.
I am worried because the business partner that is supposed to loan me the money I had previously written about, well, is in trouble himself. I don’t know or possible won’t know the story but it has to do with money.
I have to sit down with my bills and look at doing what I should have done in the first place…..Be Responsible.
I will work it out. I just need to sit down and work some numbers.

My wife and I went to our new psychiatrist yesterday. We gave her some background info on our daughter. We have another appointment tomorrow. After an hours worth of questions, the doctor asked us if we had ever heard of Asperger’s Syndrome. I am unfamiliar with it and am just now starting to read on the subject. This new doctor believes that my daughter has been misdiagnosed with BiPolar Disorder and is leaning towards Asperger’s. I have read just a small amount on it and some of the symptoms listed make more sense and fit more than the BiPolar Disorder does. Is anyone reading this familiar with what I am talking about? Your feedback is appreciated.

Work is ok. Sponsee’s are crazy, and so am I.
Just finished writing on Step 12 and realized that I did it. I did what I had committed myself to doing. Working through all 12 Steps as honestly as I could with an NA Sponsor. Reading the Step out of the NA Step Working Guide, the Step itself made more sense and I felt like I got more out of it than I have in a while. I believe I have had a Spiritual Awakening as a result of the steps. I believe my life is transformed. It doesn’t mean I’m perfect, nor will I ever be. What it means is the promise is true. It means that I have found my new way to live, I’m not searching for it anymore.

I am ok with me right now. I am ok in my life. I am so thankful for what I have and what I don’t have, it’s hard to describe to you. If you had met me or known me a few short years ago, you as well as the many that passed through my life, would not have believed this to be possible……..
Sometimes I still don’t.

Today I feel like a Human Being.

Take Care….Bob D.

Jersey Shore Finale & Why I Should Be On Season 2


Well it’s finally come down to the last episode of Jersey Shore. I really don’t know how it is I will get by once the finale is over. I hope that the season is released to DVD, packed with extra’s, bonus footage, “The Punch”, Tanning Secrets, and most of all pictures of how they got Amanda Bynes to look like Snooki.

Not Really……

Of all the “Reality Shows” MTV has spewed out over the years, this by far, has been a lesson in what not to do, and what not to watch. Granted controversy brings ratings. MTV wants an ass every 18 inches, side by side, glued to television sets and the web to soak up these kids as they can. Let’s not forget MTV is out to make money, and money they have made off these folks. But at what cost? Dell, American Family Insurance, and Domino’s pulled their sponsorship after Italian American interest groups were offended by the show. Even with those sponsors gone, the show, the cast, and MTV all still made money. That is the bottom line.

Anyone remember these guys?

The cast from MTV”s The Real World?

This was the first and only successful experiment in “Reality Live Together Shows”. I wonder how they are? What they learned? How much money did they make? They seemed to be able to give the insights I was looking for into different cultures, different lifestyles, and did it all without being offensive to themselves first and the rest of the world as well.

Here is an idea for the title of the second season of Jersey Shore

Wait…..That’s kind of what already has occurred….

How is it a reality show when you out a casting call asking for “Loud, Opinionated, Tan, Young Drunks”?

So I’m trying to figure out how I can submit my portfolio to land this dream gig? I could run around the house naked, make smart ass comments, offend people, offend women, lose my self-esteem but never really lose it because I never had it to start with.

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…What did Bob Say?

Alright maybe I’m being to hard on them?!? I mean they are young. So what they need is like a “House Father”. Here is my photo for official submission to the show. Ladies…..This is the “True Situation”.

I really think I’ve got a shot….I do. I could take care of them.

I guess the thing to do would be to ask a New Yorker about Jersey.

Well my friend….It looks like that has already been done.

All jokes aside. These kids will be one upped at some point. All shows are. MTV has a demographic they are appealing to. Some could say I’m just bitter, maybe even jealous. Hell, I’d like to have abs like that (Again?!?) but not at the cost of looking like an idiot on Worldwide Television, and unfortunately that is what MTV has done with these kids. But I wonder who is the bigger idiot….Them or Us?

Take Care.

All Images Property of Google, Inc.

Updates….


I’ve listened to “Empire State of Mind” with Jay-Z and Alicia Keys. It’s a catchy tune that I just can’t get out of my mind. I’ve been to New York a couple of times. I didn’t really think though that the city made me feel “Brand New” and the lights blinded me and not “Inspire Me”.

I’m not that big a fan of rap. I can listen to it. Some of it is ok, some of it is shit, just as all music is. There are pieces of classical music I can listen to and feel moved, and there are others that are too off tempo and crammed with unintelligible continuity.

I love music. The thing with music that I have learned is that I always associate a memory with a song. Some believe that music, among other things, are triggers for addicted people. If my whole life and thinking was centered in drugs in one form or another, then everything is a trigger. I believe certain memories, places, songs, are just stronger than others.

I worked out a deal with a business partner to borrow some money to pay off the credit cards I blogged about previously. I sat down with him and was honest about the situation. It will be easier to pay him one payment than pay on 3 that aren’t going anywhere.

Things at home have calmed down for the time being. I’m not holding my breath over anything. we have been in this pattern before. Things are good for a couple of weeks and we end up right back in the same spots. We have tried to keep my daughter busy, giving her little time for bad decision-making to take over.

My son, whom had sleep problems due to nightmares, seems to be doing ok. He has been more pleasant in going to bed and waking up in the mornings. The last 3 day weekend was difficult but he had stayed the night with a friend on Saturday and I believe they stayed up half that night and slept in Sunday causing him not to be tired and he just wanted to stay up and play video games.

A recovery thought today came at lunch when discussing behavior. One fo the guys I was with felt his behavior was unacceptable, especially because this person was in recovery. I reminded him I was in recovery, and my behavior wasn’t always acceptable, but it also didn’t give me an excuse to do whatever I wanted then blame it on being an addict. You know the accountability factor.

Hope all is well with you.
Take Care…Bob D.

Casino Royale on the Westside


A quick update…..

I am feeling a little better about things. I am trying my best to stay positive about my daughter and things at home. There were a couple of times that I thought she would have one of her “Rage Moments”, but she seemed to be able to keep herself in check, and reality that is what it is, keeping herself in check. I also told her after giving her cell phone back that we go through the same patterns over and over. I may have been speaking to a wall but we will see what happens.

This past November the State of Ohio passed legislation to allow a casino developer called Penn National to build 4 casino’s in Ohio. Ohio had been steadfast for a several years against gambling and casino’s. The swing vote it seems came in the form of Governor Ted Strickland’s approach to balancing the State’s Budget by cutting every social service program and funding stream to the bone resulting in Ohio’s worst reign as Governor, in my opinion.

It’s funny, in a way, that most would say that Ohio took “A Moral Stand” against gambling for so long. I guess after everyone came to from the stupor of drinking at extravagant tailgate parties at OSU before the games, the people with power in this town saw a steady stream of Ohio residents leaving to go to neighboring states to spend their money and said…”Hey, let’s get this party started here!!!

Well the statewide vote passed and low and behold the decision was rendered to build a casino in Columbus close to Nationwide Arena, home of the Columbus Blue Jackets of the NHL. Until….some folks said…..Maybe not in this exact spot. Long story being short, a new site was announced yesterday…..

The Westside of Columbus Where I Live!!!

Now you may thing I am angry or being sarcastic, and in reality I am not. I am overjoyed, I am ecstatic! Finally, something is coming to my side of town that will bring some damn revenue in. Some would say, “Aren’t you being a little optimistic about this? Aren’t you worried about the things that casino’s allegedly bring? Crime, Prostitution, Drugs, Pawn Shops????

WE ALREADY HAVE THAT NOW FROM NOT HAVING ANY REVENUE FOR THE LAST 15 DAMN YEARS.

I am 100% for this. Anyone with a brain and eyes can see what my side of town has turned into. Storefronts gone, houses boarded up. Something, Anything…Has to help.

I will be the first in line to vote the amendment through, and will gladly volunteer to help get the support needed to get this done.

Take Care…
Bob D.

And they cried in the streets…….


I am sure there are a million bloggers going on about the tragedy in Haiti now. There are pleas from the American Red Cross, The Salvation Army, and even Wyclif Jean for money. But sometimes a picture does more than what a tweet, text, or FaceBook update can do…..

They cried in the streets…The end of the world has come…God Save Us.

On a more personal note……

I cried yesterday at a meeting.
I cried this morning in the parking lot of a UDF. I cried out loud to God, what it is that he wants me to do? How to go about this. I tried again this morning to talk to my daughter about things and it ended terribly. It ended with her telling me as long as “I don’t make her mad” everything will be ok.
As she got out of the car I watched my hope, my very being leave my body. I am powerless over this. I realized this as I screamed into the phone at my wife, taking my frustrations out on her. Justifying what I was saying based on anger. The Text tells me that anger is my reaction to my present reality. Right now my present reality and grip on life is not good.

My wife cried over the phone. Telling me I was giving up, that she was worried about me. That I was leaving her, that I wanted to get rid of my daughter. That I had given up on them.
This broke my heart and has sent me into a tailspin.
Crying in the streets isn’t limited to Haiti.

I’m supposed to meet with a guy about helping me with the credit cards I overspent on. This has been on my mind as well.
I guess most of the pain I am in is self-induced one could say. Maybe not. The point being is that right now…..I just don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel. That’s the way I feel. I just don’t know what I am supposed to do now……