My wife has been in a state of mess as of late. It kinda boiled over last night. Sitting in the car, talking, anything I said to try to cheer her up or put a positive spin on things was shot down. The reality of where we are in things is catching up with her. The lack of work, or of decent pay. The family not treating her as she thought they might. The kids, especially my daughter, who refuses to let go of Ohio. She is now wearing old school t-shirts to her new high school so that other kids will look at her as if she has 2 heads. She refuses to wear her new school colors. All of this and of course, me.
I told my wife about the credit cards I had. To my surprise she wasn’t as angry as I thought she would be. A tremendous sense of relief has been brought to me only to realize my comfort has brought her misery. There is always a price to pay….How much is the question.
She never really questioned me about anything, but the disappointment was there. I have since taken steps and contacted the companies and made payment arrangements. I pleaded hardship with them and due to my change of address being now out-of-state they agreed.
I lied to my sponsor the other day over the phone. I don’t know why. It was about meetings, more in general my lack of attendance. I haven’t been to a meeting now in 3 weeks I think. Now before everyone gets in an uproar, especially me, I’m ok for right now. I have made a decision that I need to find a larger support network. I’m just not finding it in NA here. My plan is to attend AA and go to 1 NA meeting a week for support of others. I haven’t made this decision lightly. I know I need to do something, and I believe it involves a total rework of my thinking about fellowships.
Work continues to be long and hard. The kids other than the obvious seem to be ok.
LAst night was the first time I almost said something to my wife about doubting our decision to move. I wanted to ask her if she thought we made the right choice. Somehow it doesn’t seem important today, after all, we are here now. We knew we had to do something…and there is always a price to pay….I just hope the cost isn’t that high here.
Please remember to donate to MDA this weekend. Most of you know I am a huge supporter of Jerry Lewis and the MDA Telethon. Please make a donation. We need only one dollar more than last year.