Well, another year has come and will soon be gone. I am sure there will be a million blogs about important things like “The Year in Review”, “Dead Celebrities”, and “Most Shocking Moments”. I have already seen posts about “Foods of the Year” and “2009 Top Fail List”. I’m sure there will be plenty on Tiger, Michael Jackson, Terrorism, Obama, and Health Care to name a few. But what about in your day-to-day living? What stands out to you about 2009?
2009 has been a mixed year. It has been the most challenging year in recovery so far. By challenging I don’t mean the feeling or desire to use, that has been lifted. Although, there is the desire to change the way I feel about myself. In the 3rd Tradition, it talks about the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop using……Today I have a desire to stop using:
5) Excessive Spending
During this year I have been able to travel, be around others and not feel as lonely or isolated. I have been able to push past feelings that I am not doing enough in recovery. That I have self-worth that I don’t need to measure or compare to others. That I have positive contributions to make.
I have dealt with my daughter being diagnosed as being BiPolar, and am learning to deal with all of the family issues that surround that. I have come to understand that the disease of addiction is centered in my thoughts, feelings, and perceptions. I have been able to make some amends and continue with what I have started and then finish what I start.
I have met wonderful people here, and in other places who let me know that despite what I may be going through or what I may be feeling that I am not alone. That together we can face any adversity and not have to use over that challenge. That the things that happen or will happen to me are not personal, that it is just this thing called life.
The greatest gift I have received, and I believe that I will ever receive is the gift to feel like a human being again. Our literature talks about how our living skills were reduced to the animal level. Note it says Living Skills not Living Situations. Too often we confuse this in an effort to portray how “Bad” we were by being homeless or destitute. It’s not that some of us didn’t go to this extreme, but I need to remember the downward spiral began inside well before it affected the outside.
I’m not nervous anymore about speaking tonight. I know that my HP will lead the talk in the direction it needs to go. If I try to add my own spin on it I usually end up sounding like an idiot.
After the talk tonight I will go home and watch Dick Clark, Ryan, and Fergie do their thing. It wouldn’t be NYE without that.
I woke up this morning to a blanket of fresh snow that clung to the tree’s. I thought to myself, how the snow makes everything seem fresh and new again. That is my hope for you, that at some point today, you will feel renewed. That the sense of comfort, that today, just today, things are the way they should be versus what they could have been.
Happy New Year