Just Another Recovering Person

Posts tagged ‘Sex’

Valentine’s Epic Fail…Bucket Style

This Sunday is Valentine’s Day for those who don’t have any calendar reading capabilities. I personally can deal with this holiday better than I can with Sweetest Day, which I believe is a fabricated holiday by the card companies to generate more revenue.
My son was in the car last night as we rode to parent-teacher conferences at his school and blurted out he needed 2 cards for girls. One is his “girlfriend”, the other the girl who wants to be his girlfriend. Ahhh…the stresses of youth.

He told my wife and I that he missed the Valentine’s Parties from elementary school. My mind began to drift, as it usually does, to when I was younger. I remember my mom helping with the cards, the little candies…..

Now that I am grown, I still like Valentine’s Candy…..

Ohhh Shit…wrong pic…..I meant

That’s a little more like it……
Ahhh the fail is on.

At any rate…I got my wife a card and some candy. We both don’t go overboard on this anymore. We used to….Cards, Candy, Clothes, Dinner, Flowers….the works. I guess we just have mellowed over time with it. I know people who go to extravagant lengths to prove their love on this one day, I find it easier to let the people in my life who are special to know that I love them everyday.

A few updates…..
I was at the dentist yesterday. 6 novicaine injections later the major work I take it is almost done. I went over the timeline with the dentist. I am not happy. It will be probably the end of April before everything is done. That means I have to walk around another 2 and a half months with a missing front tooth. I also went over my bill with her. My out-of-pocket fee for this next bit, not counting what I have already paid, is $910.00
There goes half of our income tax return.

David is tanking at school. This is more great news that our kids can’t do homework and turn it in. Both are great and participate in class, but are under the impression that school stops at school. We have developed a plan, which includes no more XBox during the week, to get him back on track.

My daughter is getting loud again and I reminded her about it today. We are pushing I believe 4 weeks without an incident and are due for one. It started about 3 days ago in her being louder. I will let you know if anything happens. Her next doctors appointment is next Thursday.

The Olympics are on. Yeah…Canada.
I have some friends from Canada….that’s it.

Last but not least in news of the dumb and dumber…
Hailey Glassman, whom was involved with John Gosselin, has announced that John has a 3 inch penis. That she wasn’t sure how they were going to have sex successfully and it’s probably the reason Kate couldn’t get pregnant and was a bitch all the time.
How does a guy disprove this claim? Take a picture of his junk to have put out on the internet? This is the oldest slam available. You don’t hear guys walking around saying…..

She was hung like a bucket…..do you?

Have A Great Day.
Bob D.


Amanda Doesn’t Live Next To Me……

I was going over some posts and it befuddled me how it is that I was still receiving hits on a post I did several weeks back titled “The Amanda Bynes Tragedy”. It was a parody of Amanda looking like Snooki, or vice-versa with a bad make-up job, kinda like what she did on her old TV show. I thought it was clever, but not clever enough to still be receiving so much attention. I was in line at a Speedway when this caught my eye…..

It seems as if my title “The Amanda Bynes Tragedy” really isn’t a tragedy afterall. I feel a sense of guilt though, remembering her as the skinny tween from the TV show with Drake, Josh, and a few others. It’s like watching the next door neighbors kid grow up to be a hottie. There’s something just not right about it, but, Amanda doesn’t live next to me….So she is hot.

While were talking about celebs…
Did anyone know Lady GaGa could actually sing? The duet on the Grammy’s she did with Elton John was unbelievable.
I saw an ad in our local paper where Buddy Valastro “The Cake Boss” is doing theater shows billed as “An evening of cakes and stories”. Isn’t that what his TV show is supposed to be all about?
Kate Gosselin got hair extensions. I think they might help her extend her bank account as well, she at least looks approachable and datable now.
I heard an excerpt of a recording former President Lyndon Johnson made. It seems as if he taped all of his conversations, including ones with his tailor, where he told that, ” The pants need to be let down more in the front, it’s like a wire running across my balls all the way to my bunghole (burp). If you could do that it would be great”. Good stuff Mr. President.
According to Good Morning America there is an alleged sex tape with John Edwards and his former mistress Rielle Hunter. Miss Hunter has filed an injunction if the tape were to appear. I can’t think of anything less desirable to watch….other than the Tonya Harding video.

Well that’s all the comic relief I can muster for now. Amanda, thanks again for the PR. Let’s do lunch soon.

Take Care….Bob D.

Jersey Shore Finale & Why I Should Be On Season 2

Well it’s finally come down to the last episode of Jersey Shore. I really don’t know how it is I will get by once the finale is over. I hope that the season is released to DVD, packed with extra’s, bonus footage, “The Punch”, Tanning Secrets, and most of all pictures of how they got Amanda Bynes to look like Snooki.

Not Really……

Of all the “Reality Shows” MTV has spewed out over the years, this by far, has been a lesson in what not to do, and what not to watch. Granted controversy brings ratings. MTV wants an ass every 18 inches, side by side, glued to television sets and the web to soak up these kids as they can. Let’s not forget MTV is out to make money, and money they have made off these folks. But at what cost? Dell, American Family Insurance, and Domino’s pulled their sponsorship after Italian American interest groups were offended by the show. Even with those sponsors gone, the show, the cast, and MTV all still made money. That is the bottom line.

Anyone remember these guys?

The cast from MTV”s The Real World?

This was the first and only successful experiment in “Reality Live Together Shows”. I wonder how they are? What they learned? How much money did they make? They seemed to be able to give the insights I was looking for into different cultures, different lifestyles, and did it all without being offensive to themselves first and the rest of the world as well.

Here is an idea for the title of the second season of Jersey Shore

Wait…..That’s kind of what already has occurred….

How is it a reality show when you out a casting call asking for “Loud, Opinionated, Tan, Young Drunks”?

So I’m trying to figure out how I can submit my portfolio to land this dream gig? I could run around the house naked, make smart ass comments, offend people, offend women, lose my self-esteem but never really lose it because I never had it to start with.

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…What did Bob Say?

Alright maybe I’m being to hard on them?!? I mean they are young. So what they need is like a “House Father”. Here is my photo for official submission to the show. Ladies…..This is the “True Situation”.

I really think I’ve got a shot….I do. I could take care of them.

I guess the thing to do would be to ask a New Yorker about Jersey.

Well my friend….It looks like that has already been done.

All jokes aside. These kids will be one upped at some point. All shows are. MTV has a demographic they are appealing to. Some could say I’m just bitter, maybe even jealous. Hell, I’d like to have abs like that (Again?!?) but not at the cost of looking like an idiot on Worldwide Television, and unfortunately that is what MTV has done with these kids. But I wonder who is the bigger idiot….Them or Us?

Take Care.

All Images Property of Google, Inc.

Coffee, Tea, or You…..

So I am sitting at the cafeteria at Nationwide Plaza yesterday eating lunch with some co-workers, and they expect it. They expect me to say something. It’s kinda like when I was using, really loaded, people expected me to do something dumb. I expected to do something really dumb, I mean that’s what I did. Fuck, I was a messy addict….it’s a wonder I’m not in jail.

Anyway…They expect me to say something about women. Something sexual in nature of course. Some famous lines I’ve used in the past….

Stop the presses…Who is that?
It looks as if someone stuck 2 hams down the back of her pants.
Would you look at the swing on that back porch.
I would have her bouncing up and down like a low-rider in a Dr. Dre video.

You get the point……
Sorry to say I’m not as Spiritual when it comes to that department. Sometimes I say things for shock value, sometimes it’s just the simple fact that there are some HOT women downtown, but most of the time I do it out of insecurity.
I really wouldn’t know what to do if some of those women gave me the time of day. It’s not that I’m ugly, and yes I remember I am married, and remain faithful. It’s more a hypothetical situation…..

What Would I Do?

 Some folks think I have multiple girlfriends, and I don’t. I speak to a lot of women. I always have. I remember being in clubs, telling myself, if I just had that hanging off my arm my life would be better. If I only had a girl who would do this, be that, or do that, my life would be better.
I was talking to some guys after the meeting on Sunday and they wanted my experience on relationships in recovery. You know, dating, girlfriends, sex…The whole 9 yards. I don’t believe that anyone of us is competent enough to speak on this. I know I have had my fair share of difficulties, still do. Most of this is based in fears and insecurities.

The first year and a half I was clean was extremely difficult. It was difficult in communicating, it was difficult in decision-making, it was difficult in the sex department. It can still be today. I mean if I’m going to write about it, I need to be honest.
So it seems I make up for these by making comments to guy co-workers, but today there was a female present who knows me. She also knows I am full of hot air. I guess what got me on this subject was reading another blog on here about how this is behavior, when acted on, is just as tough as an addiction to drugs. When comments and fantasies aren’t enough and the mental obsession of sex becomes a physical compulsion.
Some would say there is a choice, as with all addictions, but I believe there is just as much if not more denial. I mean it’s sex, right? EVERYONE DOES IT.

I guess my point is, I need to be mindful of my wondering eyes and foul mouth. It’s disrespectful and I feel embarrassed now looking back over my actions. I don’t think it’s wrong to admire a beautiful woman, maybe I just need to find a different way to express it other than….

Man, It just went from 6 o’clock to Midnight….quick.

Then again…..maybe not.
Take Care.
Bob D.